19 February 2008


There's this book, and the whole premise is apparently not to write about boring nonsense on your blog. And the title, No One Cares What You Had for Lunch, seems to be driving that point home, like, writing about what you had for lunch is the most boring thing you could possibly do. Noted, but I'm writing about it anyways, as it was a very typical day, and illustrative of the fact that my life is pathetic and my diet sucks.

I woke up this morning and didn't eat, which is, like, hello? Most important meal of the day anyone? And I know that, but I'm not really very hungry in the morning. Actually, when I wake up in the morning the thought of food nauseates me. So I woke up at 6, didn't eat breakfast. I got to work at 745, and at about 815 I had a cup of coffee, black. Black because I haven't had the time to buy milk for work, and I hate creamer and sweeteners and all that coffee garbage. At about 930 I had coffee cup #2.
I have a sneaking suspicion that this would happen to anyone who made bad choices, but two cups of coffee on an empty stomach gave me a touch of The Insane, and I spent until lunch motoring around my desk like a supermodel on her third line of coke.
I get an hour for lunch. I think that I may have mentioned before that I do not care for having an hour lunch in Oroville, CA. I find it extraordinarily distasteful. But today I actually had banking to do and errands to run, so I was RUNNING AROUND for an hour, paying bills and whatnot. I hadn't brought lunch, so this didn't matter, except that if one has been awake for 7 hours subsisting only on calorie-free beverages, and in fact it may be 20 hours since the last time one ingested ANYTHING AT ALL, one might start to get cranky. And crank I did. I rummaged through my purse (because I totally am one of those crazy-as-a-bat ladies with a peanut butter sandwich in one pocket, just in case) and found: raw, unsalted pistachios, and seaweed. Why were these two foodstuffs in my purse? I cannot say. I ate large quantities of both. I felt sick.
At 430 I realized that I still had half of coffee cup number three on my desk, cold. I didn't want to leave it there overnight, so I downed it in one gulp.
When I got home I started cooking dinner, and cooking dinner reminded me that P.S. BRAIN YOUR BODY IS TRYING TO TELL YOU THAT YOU'RE STARVING. Because three cups of coffee, half a bag of raw pistachios, and 10 rectangles(?) of seaweed is just not....balanced? Or normal?
So I compensated with half a bag of chips (flax seed tortilla chips? does that make it better?), and salsa. And then an ice cream sandwich. And then I ate my dinner. And then I ate Gabe's dinner. And now my tummy doesn't feel good again, but I at least I understand WHY. And now you do too. So there. SOMEBODY SOMEWHERE cares what I had for lunch.


  1. I DEVOUR every word you write, whether it is FOOD related or not. I RELISH the mundane, it makes me feel closer to you, like you just called to say "Hi!"

  2. Word to that, Lady Jay. And that made me laugh. Which made it all the more fun to read.