29 November 2016

2016 - what a time to be alive

The world seems very terrible lately. Maybe I am being hyperbolic, but I do not FEEL hyperbolic.
We have a fascist, rapist, misogynist president elect, who does not appear to believe in the constitution.
The EU seems poised to break apart.
Russian aggression towards....everyone else seems likely to increase exponentially once the United States is run by a Very Scary Man.
The Middle East.....remains troubling and unimproved.
North Korea continues to test nuclear weapons.
China continues to bully its neighbors.
Hey, don't forget about ISIS, to say nothing of Boko Fucking Haram which seems to be running fucking WILD.
Oh yeah and Mexico appears to be run by drug cartels.

Anyway, I don't feel like I'm being dramatic, but I do feel like we are careening towards some kind of WWIII event.
And that's the global look, because let us not forget the uncertainties about healthcare, about global warming, about police shootings of unarmed brown people. 
What a time to be alive.

I feel generally on edge and I'm not sure if or when that feeling will ever go away.

2016-induced anxiety - is that a thing?

19 September 2016

Baby dolls that are not (overly?) girly, not white, and not too expensive

Everett will be one tomorrow!
I've noticed that Timehop counts the days from 5am - 5am (instead of a midnight to midnight cycle) so this morning I woke up to my baby Everett announcements! He was technically born at 2:54am on 9/20, but y'know what, Timehop? I appreciate the sentiment. It DID feel like one big long day.

While I did more or less/accidentally live tweet Everett's arrival, I don't know if I've ever laid it all out in one place.
- I had a midwife appointment on Friday morning, and I was 'checked'.
- A few hours later (I SUSPECT THIS IS RELATED BUT WHAT DO I KNOW I'M NOT A DOCTOR), my water broke! Not like a big whoosh but more like a slow....dribble. My mom took me to the hospital and Quentin met us there and they were like yeah your water broke, are you having contractions? And I was like nope I'm sure not, so they monitored me for awhile and then they sent me home and told me to come back in the morning or when I went into labor, whichever came first.
- Saturday morning we re-arrived, I was still not in labor. They gave me cervidil, which was uncomfortable but didn't really do anything. And then like 12 hours later (and like 30 hours since water breaking) they were like heyo so y'all both look fine but a timer started when your water broke so let's giddy up.
- Anyway they started a pitocin drip at 11:30pm and it was TERRIBLE MUCH WORSE THAN NATURALLY OCCURRING CONTRACTIONS HOLY SHIT NO WONDER PEOPLE NEED EPIDURALS and they weren't checking me b/c infection risk and I got a shot of fentanyl, which didn't make anything hurt less but it sure made me not care.
- And then I had an overwhelming urge to vomit and poop at the same time which I will STRESS REPEATEDLY IS NOT THE SAME AS THE OVERWHELMING URGE TO PUSH but then while I was puking into the hamper while I sat on the toilet I DID find myself experiencing the overwhelming urge to push and I was like help I need help and they sort of muscled me back into the bed because my walking was not great and they grabbed the OB walking down the hall and she was like holy shit here's your baby and Quentin was like holy shit what is happening and anyway the baby arrived about three hours after the pitocin was started, so it was really a very quick affair, even though it went from Friday all the way to Sunday.
So. Everett's birthday is technically tomorrow but I am surely thinking about it today. We are having a small party, mostly for the benefit of my MIL who has exactly one (1) grandbaby.
I bought Everett a fancy party hat, and a ride-on....thing, and a wooden doggy that you pull on a string.
I also got him a baby doll, which turned out to be a frustrating endeavor.
It is startlingly difficult to buy a non-white, non-girl baby doll.
We ended up getting this one.
It was at Target, which is where I was. The lavender smell is more of  sachet/actual lavender smell, and is not overly gross. It's PRETTY girly, but I figure purple is the color of kings! It is also pretty white, despite the 'ethnic' description. It is not AS white as the regular Baby Stella dolls, but....yeah. Nor is it brown.

I went on an amazon quest to find something not too girly and not white and not one million dollars and here is what I've found, bookmarked in case Everett loves babies as much as Gabriel did. It's also possible that he doesn't care at all about baby dolls and this is his first and last.
Anyway, results!
La Baby 11-inch Hispanic Washable Soft Body Play Doll, $12.99

This one is probably the best one I found. It's the first one I'll buy if baby doll demand increases. I find that the dolls that look the most like my kids are the 'Hispanic' ones.

This is not a boy doll, but again I will tell you that PURPLE IS THE COLOR OF KINGS! That said, the thumbnail picture of the black baby doll is pink/frilly and not the same as the picture that comes up when you actually select this option.
My fourth pick is this same doll, but the Hispanic version.
Decidedly and definitively more girly than the purple stripes. But again, I feel like the 'Hispanic' doll color option is the one that best matches my boys, if that's what I'm going for (and it is).
Childcraft Multi-Ethnic Baby Dolls - African American Doll - 10 Inches, $12.99
My Amazon searching revealed a whole variety of these Childcraft dolls. They seem to strike the proper balance between 'realistic enough' and 'looks like a dead baby lying on the floor'. If we really get going on the baby doll thing, this is another one on the list. 

25 July 2016

Family updates, and Everett is the happiest baby

Chugging along through the summer over here. Gabriel has mostly been at his dad's, which is as usual/nothing to report.
He's at sleep away camp this week, which technically counts as one of "my" weeks, even though....he is not here. I think it should count as nobody's week, but I also think it's important that he get to go to this stuff, especially when it means going along with his cousins, etc. So here we are.
Susannah (niece) turned four last Friday.
All the cousins were available for her party (she's pictured here with my niece June, as well as a friend). My brother and sister-in-law completed their residencies, and have taken jobs in/moved back to California. And it's great having them living closer.
I love that Everett has a cousin his age!
Everett and Baby Duncan
Everett and baby Duncan are 4.5 months apart (which is the same age difference as Gabriel and his cousin Elliot). Because of school cutoffs, baby Duncan will be in the grade above Everett.
I wonder when baby Duncan will get tired of being called baby Duncan.
His parents report that they want to call him Mac, which is fine! Except I've never actually heard one of his parents call him that. And also our grandfather is still alive and well and named Mac, so the rare times my brother HAS referred to his baby as Mac, I thought we were talking about an old man.
Everett is Everett's middle name (his first name is Quentin), so here both the babies are juniors, and I would like to share my naming wisdom. We got RIGHT OUT THE GATE with Everett. In fact, I think quite a few people are not actually aware that Everett's legal first name is Quentin. (My brother) Duncan dawdled on the whole nicknaming thing, didn't establish a preference until like a week ago, and it's just hard to come around now.
Well maybe he will be successful in his bid for Mac.
I'll let you know how it progresses.
Everett is just the happiest baby.
Chest clip is too low!
His basic disposition is "delighted by life, and all that it contains."
And we are all delighted by him.
The face of a boy who just learned that popsicles exist
He occasionally gets overtired.
And he still wakes up in the night for a nurse.
And sometimes he needs a STOP EVERYTHING emergency nursing session in order to keep his life together.
Emergency naked nursing
He learned how to clap! It's pretty much the best. I highly recommend baby clapping to cheer you on in your day to day life.
He has two tiny teeth.
He is SO EASY about going to bed. I put him down in his crib, and he snuggles down with his butt in the air and chatters at himself for a few minutes, before drifting off to sleep.
Gabriel is more difficult about bedtime than Everett.
Also, Everett eats more than Gabriel. Like in absolute, quantitative terms, he consumes more food. And yet, he's not a very big baby (hey, he poops a lot).
He now occasionally stands unassisted. But only if he is distracted into letting go of his perch.
For instance, if he needs to clap.
Is he always this happy though?
Well, yes.
He really is.

18 July 2016

Recommendations, with reservations (diet/weightloss/exercise related)

I'm going to recommend two things to you, with the disclaimer that I actually hate both of them.

The first is hot yoga.
I hate everything about hot yoga. I hate being hot, I hate doing yoga. I hate doing yoga in a hot room full of other hot sweaty people doing yoga. It's expensive. The room smells. It attracts insufferable people. I dread going. I am hot, and sweating, and doing yoga, the entire time. It does not feel good to me in the moment.

Here is what I like about it:
 - It feels amazing. From the moment it is over, and for at least a full 24 hours after it has ended, I feel light and airy and calm and centered and fantastic.
 - Weightloss/slimming miracle. I don't think it's so much the sweating (which would just be water weight). It's that you don't feel like eating anything too heavy before hand, or at all after either, so it changes your eating habits for a full day, towards fruit and salads and fruit salads.
Also, there are normal people there. I'm not the only one. Just don't focus on the skinny beautiful young people. 

The second thing is giving up grains/dairy/alcohol.
I love grains. Carbs are the building blocks of life. I also like milk in my coffee and cream cheese on my bagels. Cheeses! And a glass of wine because why not. Fancy cocktails! This is not a sustainable diet for me. I want to enjoy my life, not move through it restricting my pleasures for the sake of my size.
However. I gave up all grains, dairy and alcohol for a week. Just one week! I didn't change anything else. I ate the same number of calories (I actually ate MORE calories than normal for me). It happened to be a week that I didn't do any exercise beyond my daily walk. I lost 6lbs.
It's not actually the way I want to live my life, but I was thinking that I could give up MOST grains, non-celebratory cheeses, and alcohol during the week, and make a pretty good cut into my upper arm fat. 

09 June 2016

Is not giving me credit for something the same as taking credit yourself?

I work at a publicly traded retail company, in the general ledger/financial reporting department.
I used to be a staff accountant, now I'm one of the managers.
Well, I was promoted last June, but went on leave at the beginning of September, so there wasn't a transition of duties until I got back in January.
I spent January and February learning how to do my job, and really took over in March.

We have a chronic problem of closing the books late. Not late like LATE, just late like, the people who are doing it are at work until 10pm on the final day of close. So I mean, not late like it affects the whole company, just late like it affects the people in finance. It specifically affects the four people (me included) who have to wrap everything up once all entries are in.

In March, I declared that we weren't closing our books late anymore. I told my boss, I told HER boss, and I told the other two managers. We aren't doing this anymore.

I identified who normally makes us late. I made a point of checking in with them early and often, and keeping them on task. I took over some of their close duties myself, to make sure they were completed timely.
We closed March on time.


Luck, says the other manager (let's call him N).


For April, I did more of the same. Reached out to people ahead of close to make sure they were on top of their scheduling. Took on a few more things from my chronic deadline missers. Checked in and checked in and checked in again.

Before we closed, I told my boss, we're closing on time again this month. Remember this when I ask for a raise.

We closed April on time.


Nope, says N. I've been closing the books here for over 5 years, and we never close on time.

But we CAN.


May close.
We close on time.
N: Maybe it's that we're fully staffed now (we only were not fully staffed when I was out on leave)
N: Maybe it's that we (WE?) have gotten the message out about scheduling (WE??).

In March I said that we were going to start closing the books on time, something that had never happened in the 2+ years since I've been here.
We closed March on time.
We closed April on time.
We closed May on time.

Refusing to give me credit for this is annoying sure, but my mom said something to me today. She said, "He's taking credit for it."
No, he's just being obnoxious.
"All he has to do to take credit is refuse to give any credit to you."

And that is what I would like to discuss.

Is refusing to give me credit for a thing that I did the same thing as taking credit for yourself?

Because this is a thing that I did. We didn't use to close on time, and I decided to change that, and I did.
EDITED TO ADD: N is a senior manager, I am a manager, he and I have the same boss. 

26 May 2016

The definition of feminism, politics making you an asshole, career goals

I've been feeling SO HEATED about Being a Lady in America lately. This elections cycle has really brought it out in me.
Regardless of your political leanings:
  1. If you do not believe in the social, political and economic equality of the sexes, you are not a good person. Being a feminist does not guarantee that you are a good person, but not being a feminist certainly guarantees that you are not. 
  2. If you do like Donald Trump, then you like bigotry and misogyny. Being okay with this person is being okay with all of his beliefs, even the vile, hateful ones. I understand if you do not agree ideologically with the left, but if you agree ideologically with Donald Trump, you are a bad person.
  3. If you align politically with Bernie Sanders, but would vote for Donald Trump over Hillary Clinton, I guess you just REALLY hate women. I can think of no other explanation.

The particular balance a woman has to strike between wearing makeup, but not too much, being attractive, but not sexual at all, being smart and capable and just ridiculously good at her job, but not being threatening to anyone with a penis, even if that threat is entirely in their own mind: bullshit.

I would love to throw it all aside and not get up two hours early to do hair and makeup and apply spanx before big business days, but here I am in this system, and I DO want to get ahead. I don't make the rules, and if I don't want to be cast out, I have to abide by them.

In Badass Lady News, in 2010 I was making about $28K/year, living well below the poverty line. I sat down and wrote out a list of well paying jobs that I thought I wouldn't hate, that I could do well.
Then I researched the qualifications I would need, and picked the job I could get to (from where I was sitting) with the lowest commitment of time and expense.
So now I'm a CPA.
It was a calculated decision, and I don't regret it one bit.
I wanted to be able to support myself, support Gabriel, and not feel so nervous financially. 

The career goal I set for myself then was to earn 6 figures, after taxes and deductions, by 2020.
It is 2016. I'm not there yet, but I'm on the path.

I enjoy parenting boys as a strong, financially independent woman. I am very much enjoying raising my sons as feminists. Which, I will remind you, means that you think men and women should be treated equally, and is one of my requirements for being a decent fucking human being.
I am glad that my boys have a mother who is also a Badass Lady.
I am glad that I myself was raised by a woman who is a Badass Lady.

Is it shallow to make my career goals entirely about money?

But I don't live to work. I work to live.

23 May 2016

Baby Comparisons, Book Rediscoveries

You know what's fun? Comparing children.
Everett, 7.5mos
Gabriel, 6mos
For the most part I don't think that Gabriel and Everett look THAT much alike. They share the basic features of a cute baby (CHEEEEEKS, mainly), and they have the shared vague ethnicity of being half black, but I think that Gabriel looks a LOT like his dad, and Everett looks a LOT like HIS dad, and, despite Gabriel's third grade teacher*, their dads really look nothing alike.

*Gabriel's third grade teacher could not tell Gabe's dad apart from Quentin. Despite the fact that share no facial features, have very different builds, different hair, beardedness versus not, glasses versus not, Gabriel calls one of them "dad" and one of them "Quentin", etc. etc. Literally the only feature they share is blackness. THEY HAVE TOTALLY DISSIMILAR FACES.

Anyway, sometimes, like in the pictures above, I DO think they look a lot alike, and then I think maybe they look more like me than I generally THINK they do, I guess.

I went stand up paddle boarding for the first time yesterday! It was not as difficult as I was expecting it to be.
I have very poor balance; I go all wobbly when I'm asked to stand on one foot in yoga, and standing on a thing that is on the (very wobbly) water, seemed like something that I would definitely not....excel at. Well. I didn't excel at it, to be sure, but I was not terrible! I fell in once, on dismount, but otherwise stayed upright and afloat.
My feet are sore from it though. You somehow end up using all the muscles in your feet to stay balanced and not too wobbly.

Gabriel got the fifth Harry Potter book on CD from the library. He's read all of them, and seen all the movies, I suppose this is the next step in his Harry Potter vision quest.
I read all the books, but as they came out, so it's been.....well it's been years.
The audio versions are EXCELLENT. I normally hate audiobooks because well, they read it ALL WRONG. The Harry Potter ones are read in EXACTLY THE RIGHT WAY, with the RIGHT voices. I'm getting sucked back in. I want to reread the series now.
And sit down and watch all the movies. I've only seen the first movie straight through. I've seen bits and pieces of the other ones, but I haven't sat down and ACTUALLY WATCHED them.
I'm inspired!
A pretty cool thing about having a 10yo is rediscovering and rereading books. I recently reread My Friend Flicka, and wept a lot. I got it for my nephew, who is very into horses, and very frustrated by how girly all things horses are.
Why is that, do we think?
It doesn't SEEM like horses should be a Girl Thing, does it? Or a Boy Thing for that matter.