Relations
I like to tell people that the only reason I have so many crazy stories about my family is that there are so damned many of us. You get enough people together, and some of them WILL be insane. However if I'm perfectly honest, my family has a little something extra going for it.
So!
Mentioned on Twitter the other night!
*One of my aunt's blew her life savings investing in over-sized condoms. This is only made better by the fact that this is the incredibly socially awkward spinster aunt whose greatest love is her tiny lap dogs.
*My cousin Berry, who is my uncle Randy's son, lives in a box in my uncle Jonathan's living room.
*My mom's cousin Scott has a mail-order bride. Actually he got her on the internet, but I think 'mail-order' still works. She's from Thailand and she cost $25,000. I'm pretty sure that for $2000 I could get a plane ticket to Thailand and go pick out my own wife, but I guess that's not really the point. He bought her when he was 44 and she was 22; I think that was four years ago. They had a kid, and afterward when to visit Thailand, where for 400 Baht, she had her vagina "made to look like a 14-year-old's again." I just did the conversion, and that comes around $11.75 USD, and even in Thailand I'm not sure what kind of surgery you can have for $12 that's remotely safe, but I don't plan on having elective surgery on my ladybits anyhow.
The boughten-wife is pregnant again, but since she's all reconstructed Down There, she has to have a C-Section, which is how it came to be that Scott told us all about The Procedure. And just so you know, all of us included, at the time, me, my sister, my mom, his sister, ET CETERA. It was mixed company, yo.
*My grandma used to be a pigeon farmer. Did you know that there is a market for farmed pigeons?
