09 June 2016

Is not giving me credit for something the same as taking credit yourself?

I work at a publicly traded retail company, in the general ledger/financial reporting department.
I used to be a staff accountant, now I'm one of the managers.
Well, I was promoted last June, but went on leave at the beginning of September, so there wasn't a transition of duties until I got back in January.
I spent January and February learning how to do my job, and really took over in March.

We have a chronic problem of closing the books late. Not late like LATE, just late like, the people who are doing it are at work until 10pm on the final day of close. So I mean, not late like it affects the whole company, just late like it affects the people in finance. It specifically affects the four people (me included) who have to wrap everything up once all entries are in.

In March, I declared that we weren't closing our books late anymore. I told my boss, I told HER boss, and I told the other two managers. We aren't doing this anymore.

I identified who normally makes us late. I made a point of checking in with them early and often, and keeping them on task. I took over some of their close duties myself, to make sure they were completed timely.
We closed March on time.

LOOK, I said. I DID THAT.

Luck, says the other manager (let's call him N).

I'M DOING IT AGAIN FOR APRIL THEN. WATCH ME.

For April, I did more of the same. Reached out to people ahead of close to make sure they were on top of their scheduling. Took on a few more things from my chronic deadline missers. Checked in and checked in and checked in again.

Before we closed, I told my boss, we're closing on time again this month. Remember this when I ask for a raise.

We closed April on time.

LOOK, I said. LOOK AT THIS.

Nope, says N. I've been closing the books here for over 5 years, and we never close on time.

But we CAN.

Luck.

May close.
We close on time.
N: Maybe it's that we're fully staffed now (we only were not fully staffed when I was out on leave)
N: Maybe it's that we (WE?) have gotten the message out about scheduling (WE??).

In March I said that we were going to start closing the books on time, something that had never happened in the 2+ years since I've been here.
We closed March on time.
We closed April on time.
We closed May on time.

Refusing to give me credit for this is annoying sure, but my mom said something to me today. She said, "He's taking credit for it."
No, he's just being obnoxious.
"All he has to do to take credit is refuse to give any credit to you."

And that is what I would like to discuss.

Is refusing to give me credit for a thing that I did the same thing as taking credit for yourself?

Because this is a thing that I did. We didn't use to close on time, and I decided to change that, and I did.
--
EDITED TO ADD: N is a senior manager, I am a manager, he and I have the same boss. 

26 May 2016

The definition of feminism, politics making you an asshole, career goals

I've been feeling SO HEATED about Being a Lady in America lately. This elections cycle has really brought it out in me.
Regardless of your political leanings:
  1. If you do not believe in the social, political and economic equality of the sexes, you are not a good person. Being a feminist does not guarantee that you are a good person, but not being a feminist certainly guarantees that you are not. 
  2. If you do like Donald Trump, then you like bigotry and misogyny. Being okay with this person is being okay with all of his beliefs, even the vile, hateful ones. I understand if you do not agree ideologically with the left, but if you agree ideologically with Donald Trump, you are a bad person.
  3. If you align politically with Bernie Sanders, but would vote for Donald Trump over Hillary Clinton, I guess you just REALLY hate women. I can think of no other explanation.

The particular balance a woman has to strike between wearing makeup, but not too much, being attractive, but not sexual at all, being smart and capable and just ridiculously good at her job, but not being threatening to anyone with a penis, even if that threat is entirely in their own mind: bullshit.

I would love to throw it all aside and not get up two hours early to do hair and makeup and apply spanx before big business days, but here I am in this system, and I DO want to get ahead. I don't make the rules, and if I don't want to be cast out, I have to abide by them.

In Badass Lady News, in 2010 I was making about $28K/year, living well below the poverty line. I sat down and wrote out a list of well paying jobs that I thought I wouldn't hate, that I could do well.
Then I researched the qualifications I would need, and picked the job I could get to (from where I was sitting) with the lowest commitment of time and expense.
So now I'm a CPA.
It was a calculated decision, and I don't regret it one bit.
I wanted to be able to support myself, support Gabriel, and not feel so nervous financially. 

The career goal I set for myself then was to earn 6 figures, after taxes and deductions, by 2020.
It is 2016. I'm not there yet, but I'm on the path.

I enjoy parenting boys as a strong, financially independent woman. I am very much enjoying raising my sons as feminists. Which, I will remind you, means that you think men and women should be treated equally, and is one of my requirements for being a decent fucking human being.
I am glad that my boys have a mother who is also a Badass Lady.
I am glad that I myself was raised by a woman who is a Badass Lady.

Is it shallow to make my career goals entirely about money?
Maybe.

But I don't live to work. I work to live.

23 May 2016

Baby Comparisons, Book Rediscoveries

You know what's fun? Comparing children.
Everett, 7.5mos
Gabriel, 6mos
For the most part I don't think that Gabriel and Everett look THAT much alike. They share the basic features of a cute baby (CHEEEEEKS, mainly), and they have the shared vague ethnicity of being half black, but I think that Gabriel looks a LOT like his dad, and Everett looks a LOT like HIS dad, and, despite Gabriel's third grade teacher*, their dads really look nothing alike.

*Gabriel's third grade teacher could not tell Gabe's dad apart from Quentin. Despite the fact that share no facial features, have very different builds, different hair, beardedness versus not, glasses versus not, Gabriel calls one of them "dad" and one of them "Quentin", etc. etc. Literally the only feature they share is blackness. THEY HAVE TOTALLY DISSIMILAR FACES.

Anyway, sometimes, like in the pictures above, I DO think they look a lot alike, and then I think maybe they look more like me than I generally THINK they do, I guess.

I went stand up paddle boarding for the first time yesterday! It was not as difficult as I was expecting it to be.
I have very poor balance; I go all wobbly when I'm asked to stand on one foot in yoga, and standing on a thing that is on the (very wobbly) water, seemed like something that I would definitely not....excel at. Well. I didn't excel at it, to be sure, but I was not terrible! I fell in once, on dismount, but otherwise stayed upright and afloat.
My feet are sore from it though. You somehow end up using all the muscles in your feet to stay balanced and not too wobbly.

Gabriel got the fifth Harry Potter book on CD from the library. He's read all of them, and seen all the movies, I suppose this is the next step in his Harry Potter vision quest.
I read all the books, but as they came out, so it's been.....well it's been years.
The audio versions are EXCELLENT. I normally hate audiobooks because well, they read it ALL WRONG. The Harry Potter ones are read in EXACTLY THE RIGHT WAY, with the RIGHT voices. I'm getting sucked back in. I want to reread the series now.
And sit down and watch all the movies. I've only seen the first movie straight through. I've seen bits and pieces of the other ones, but I haven't sat down and ACTUALLY WATCHED them.
I'm inspired!
A pretty cool thing about having a 10yo is rediscovering and rereading books. I recently reread My Friend Flicka, and wept a lot. I got it for my nephew, who is very into horses, and very frustrated by how girly all things horses are.
Why is that, do we think?
It doesn't SEEM like horses should be a Girl Thing, does it? Or a Boy Thing for that matter.

10 May 2016

Dieting, Baby Updates, Various/Disjointed/Etc

It turns out that 7 months after having a baby is where I hit a wall on my appearance.
I stopped feeling like my postpartum body and I were working through some issues and started to feel like god damn, I'm just fat.
So.
I've pivoted from dairy factory to fitness.
I'm not making major or dramatic diet changes, because history tells me that I'm not successful unless I do something gradual and sustainable.
So I've quit alcohol during the week.
I've quit buttered toast.
I've quit white bread peanut butter sandwiches.
I've changed breakfast from Carb Party for One to protein shake plus fruit.
And I still AM a dairy factory, of course, I just decided not to make that my MAIN PRIMARY NUTRITIONAL FOCUS. If my supply dips a bit, that's okay. The baby is not so tiny anymore, and we shall persevere.
Mental health is important too, and all that. 

Anyway.
Exercise:
Upped my lunch walk from 1mi to 2.
Added in 7 minute workouts after each pumping session at work.*
I'm doing a month of sweaty yoga.**
I signed up to run a 5K with my sister in July.***

*I searched the app store for 7 minute workout and downloaded a couple of the free ones. They are surprisingly GOOD workouts, but so blissfully short that they feel very attainable. It's EASY to fit them in. I don't quite break a sweat when I do it so I don't mind doing it at work. Recommend.

**Hot yoga is so fucking gross. The room is CARPETED. Also, the first class I went to, my sister billed as a hot yoga class, but it was IN FACT A HOT BOOTCAMP CLASS. As in, a bootcamp class held in the hot yoga room. As in, doing burpees in a 105' carpeted room. I SUBMIT THAT THIS IS AN INNER CIRCLE OF HELL.
It's SO gross, but I will say that it's like, a weightloss/waste trimming MIRACLE. I think because you don't really want to eat much before, and then you don't feel like eating much AFTER, it has this all day appetite suppressant effect that really CARRIES YOU THROUGH.
Plus by the end you just feel high as a kite on the endorphins of sweating out your body, and grateful to be alive. I'm not sure that I'm recommending this. Well. I'm sure that I'm NOT, and yet, I would do it again.

***Currently I run 0K. I figure if I can get myself up to running 2 miles, social pressure should more or less carry me through on race day.
--
Well that was fitness.
How about a baby update?
The baby is a joy.
Truly and absolutely, a joy.
I'm just so PLEASED with him.
He started crawling at right around 6 months. And then standing RIGHT after that.
No walking yet, which is REALLY JUST FINE THANKS.

He sleeps like a baby, which is to say, terribly and with lots of interruptions.
Nevertheless, we are all just crazy about him.
Of course I was crazy about Gabey too, but this is such a different baby rearing experience.
A planned baby, and we have adequate financial resources to raise him as desired, and a happy home, and he's so delightful.
--
My brother is in town with his wife and kids. My nephew turned 1 on Saturday!
Babies - pretty much the best.
Life has been just humming along, really.
Work is fine.
Home is nice.
Oh! Quentin had his surgery, it went well, he did not die. He is now internally plumbed, which we all prefer.
On Sunday (Mother's Day) Gabriel and I went ocean kayaking. We saw a grey whale and her baby! They were only about 30' away from us. It was magical.
I am quite enthused about outdoor activities right now.
We are planning another kayaking excursion in a few weeks, and I found a friend to try stand up paddle boarding with me.
Gabriel's been surfing too. I drop him off with my 12yo nephew. I found a wetsuit at a thrift store for him. No one tell him that it's a ladies' wetsuit, please.


21 March 2016

Various Updates (on children, husband)

Well.
We are all still here.
How about an update?
--
Everett
Everett is an EXCEPTIONALLY delightful baby.
I have no complaints!
He was six months old on the 20th*. He eats, he nurses, he naps. He wiggles around on the floor (he's not crawling, but he does not stay put). He rolls both ways and easily. He loves his toys and his brother and his dog. He likes his stroller, but only if he's faced forward. He likes to be worn in a carrier, but only on my back. He does not like his car seat, but he tolerates it when provided with ample distractions (toys, or a brother sitting in the back seat with him).
He sounds remarkably like a baby goat. I don't recall other babies who cooed like a pigeon quite like he does. Well on an infant it's quite endearing.

*His 3mo and 6mo "birthdays" (12/20 and 3/20, respectively) both fell on the same day of the week as his ACTUAL (9/20) birthday (a Sunday). I think this must not be how it usually works out. A combination of 30 day months and then leap year? That's not how it NORMALLY works out, correct?
--
Gabriel
Gabriel has been doing Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu this year.
It's not my idea of a good time (rolling around on the floor trying to physically dominate your opponent), but Gabriel LOVES it.
Here are things that (in my experience) make him love activities:
-special outfit/uniform
-prizes or awards that one can collect and display
-pomp and ceremony and generally taking oneself too seriously
-personal aptitude/ability to excel
-adults who also take activity very seriously
-sanctioned violence
BJJ hits all of these marks quite nicely.
In a way, it's the perfect activity for him.
I am not especially impressed with the price (which is HIGH), but Quentin does all the ferrying about and interfacing with other Jiu-Jitsu adults, and Gabriel loves it, so. We pay the exorbitant costs.
Gabriel is in 4th grade now. He turned 10 in January.
I would consider him to be over scheduled, but he is a kid who really thrives on an abundance of activities.
He is also involved with:
Sewing class, swimming, running club, LEGO Robotics, indoor rock climbing, Physics and Chemistry Club, ceramics class, Cub Scouts
We are not doing Little League this year, thank goodness.
(Edit: I see that I've already posted almost this exact same Gabriel update. At least I'm consistent)
He has a good teacher this year. She's strict but fair, and works a lot of really interesting stuff into her curriculum.
He is quite academically minded, so it suits him.
Ten is an excellent age.
In fact, it might be my favorite age so far.
Gabriel is a delight.
Gabriel and Everett are both delights!
Excellent.
--
Quentin.
Quentin is doing fairly well. His colostomy reversal surgery is scheduled for Thursday.
This is excellent!
Many things are excellent right now!
No one wants a colostomy bag in their lives, and everyone is happy to see it go.
Quentin is quite nervous, because he hates doctors (which is how we got into this mess, in my opinion), and because anaesthesia terrifies him.
 He's convinced that he's going to die and keeps giving me Life Directives based on these assumptions.
This is not helpful, nor is it a particularly pleasant mindset for one's husband to have.
And honestly Quentin, if you were going to die, it would have been the first time around, when you were having emergency YOU ARE DYING surgery.
Well, Thursday will be here soon enough, and he can prove himself wrong by having surgery and being just fine.
I will be glad to have a husband whose organs work as designed, and he will be glad as well.
Quentin also has an ongoing workers comp case.
Two years ago an industrial ceiling pipe fell (from the ceiling) onto his head, damaging his back.
At work, and on video camera!
Despite all this, his resulting back injury was determined not be work related, and we have been in a lengthy appeals process involving lawyers and headaches.
At his most recent appeals-related examination it was determined that probably the thing that happened at work that hurt his back did in fact happen at work and hurt his back.
So there is still more paperwork and whathaveyou, but it seems that in the near future this should resolve into treatment and a settlement, which will be helpful both to my husband's health and to our finances.
Quentin turns 46 at the end of this month.
Hopefully by his birthday he will be home from the hospital and doing well.
--
I intended to post updates about work and some other things, but this has gotten long enough, I think.

15 February 2016

Disjointed thoughts about being a lady

First I'd like to talk about a conversation that we had at my house, last fall.
I've been turning it over in my mind for months.
I'm not sure if I said the right things, or if there are even right things to say.
Anyway.

A few months ago, we were watching some sports game at home. I don't remember which. Probably baseball. Maybe football.
I don't remember what game we were watching, but I remember that it was all four of us, Quentin and Gabriel and Everett and me, and I remember that Gabriel asked me, Do you think they'll ever let women play? Like not on their own teams, but with men?
I said no, no I don't think that will ever happen.
Why not?
Because the men wouldn't let it happen.
But aren't there women who are really good?
And I told Gabriel that, while there is no doubt in my mind that there are women who are just as good as some of the men who are being paid to play this sport, men don't want women to be just as good as them, and to play on the same field, and to be a part of the exact same game.
Now that I think about it some more, I'm pretty sure we were watching football. Because Quentin interjected that women aren't physically built like men, and it isn't exactly equal, and they wouldn't be just as good, and it's not just that men don't want them to play.
And he is correct, that generally speaking, men are taller, and stronger, and bigger. But all men are not more physically imposing than all women. There are women who could physically compete with men, even in football. Not every single female is "built" to play football, but some of them are, and it doesn't matter
This particular conversation then wandered into professional sports' history of racial segregation, and how the color barrier couldn't just be broken by the athletes that were just as good as the white men playing. The men who broke those color barriers had to be the best athletes. And the team's desire to win had to be stronger than the league's desire to keep these men separate.
So for a woman to play on a men's team, she couldn't just be as good as the men. She would have to be the best.
But if she was the best, I think the men would hate her for it, and they wouldn't let her play.
And Gabriel asked me why the men get to decide.
And I told him that is a thing that women are fighting to fix. And that men have to fight for it too.
I told him it's his job to stand up, and also to stand aside, and to fight for women even when he doesn't have to.

It's his job to speak out for people, and it's also his job to listen.

And then (and I think you can see why this day has stayed with me), we went on to voting. How first it was white men, and only white men, who got to decide everything.
And then they let brown men into their club (but they did it kicking and screaming and in many cases managed to subvert the spirit of the law and continue to keep those men out).
But it wasn't until much later that women finally got a say in matters.
The order of preference, in giving rights to people, gives them to those with penises (preferentially in order of lightest to darkest) first.
Then women come after.
Which is not to say that there isn't a powerful oppression of black and brown men. That there aren't situations where a white woman is better off than a brown man.
Intersectionality, you see.

So. No, Gabriel. I don't believe that men are ever going to let women onto their sports teams.
--
I work in corporate America.
Maybe you do too.
So maybe you already know that in an office, at the staff level, there are typically far more women than men. But as you work your way up the management chain, it flip flops, and at the top the men far outnumber the women.
Plenty of people who are far more intelligent than I am have written far more about this than I ever will.
The burden of child rearing and the effect of parental leave policies disproportionately affect women.
Strong men are leaders and strong women are bitches.
And sure, I do believe that in many cases women are less likely than men to lean in.
--
It is also that men, not all men (eyeroll), but lots of them, are fucking offended by the very concept of being led by a woman.
And that women can't get a job by being just as good as the men who would like that job as well.
A woman has to be better.
It is not enough to be equal.
--
I work in corporate America, and I am a mother, and I have a family.
In order to be taken seriously I have to be PERFECT.
If I want to be considered for the same opportunities and not have my infant held against me in the court of corporate politics, I have to be flawless.
I have to produce higher quality work more efficiently than the dudebro next to me who doesn't have a hard stop at 5:00 to pick up his kids because his wife will do that for him. Even if we both leave at the same time every day.

--
Can I tell you how angry it makes me, that Hillary Clinton, the most qualified presidential candidate in memory, has to tell a debate moderator (with a smile!) that she will indeed pick out the china if elected president? That she will perform her wifely and womanly duties. That she will not emasculate her poor husband by being the leader of the United States of America.
--
I have boys.
I get a lot of people telling me that boys are easier than girls.
Or, "They're more trouble now, but you'll be happy for the broken bones when you don't have teenage girls."
Maybe you have girls, and you hear this too.
Probably.
First, it's bullshit.
I have three brothers, and every single one was a difficult teenager, and they were all more difficult than either my sister or me.
They had all the emotions of a HUMAN BEING, but also they weren't supposed to be emotional because they were supposed to be MEN, not some kind of ladyboy, and also they were filled to the brim with testosterone, and they were angry, and in some cases they were flat out criminal.
They came through it okay.
But they were not easy.
And they were not easier than me. Not easier than my sister. Even though we are both female.
Boys are not easier than girls. They are not less emotional.
Girls are not quieter. They are not more gentle.
Maybe it's true sometimes, for some people, because humans are diverse as fuck, and they come with many personalities and family dynamics and ways of living.
But it is not a fact of parenting boys.
Or girls.
--
I personally believe that we hear this load of bullshit about girls being harder than boys because we are so terrified, as a society, of our teenaged girls having sex.
It would be so terrible to have a daughter who is also a sexual being that it is better and easier to have a son.
--
I have no conclusion.

12 February 2016

Yosemite, Baby Food, Devil's Advocates, Bonus Nightmare(s)

We went to Yosemite last weekend.
I had never been before!
And fourth graders get into National Parks for free!
And Gabriel didn't have school on Monday!
And it was Super Bowl weekend, so the Yosemite Lodge was improbably affordable!
Anyhow, we packed up our car and drove to Yosemite Saturday morning, and I learned that Yosemite is not even very far away (about four hours drive, comparable to driving to Tahoe for us).
It is a place that is exceptionally beautiful in photographs, and then you get there, and it is EVEN MORE beautiful in person. Literally breathtaking. As in, my breath was taken away.

That low quality iPhone photo is just...what being there LOOKED like.
Anyhow, we had a very nice time. There was snow on the ground, and I guess some stuff was closed for winter, but I really have no basis of comparison.
We went on some of the easier hikes, went on a couple of self-directed driving tours, wandered through the visitor center museum, went ice skating, partook of the valley restaurants.
Now that I've been, I need to tell you that this is one of those places that, if at all feasible, you simply MUST see at some point in your life.
THE MAJESTY OF NATURE.
--
Everett continues to be a good-natured delight.
He has also recently discovered his tongue.
The last time I talked about feeding this baby, I said I was going to wait until six months, despite what I view as his developmental readiness.
That was a lie.
While this baby is just 4.5 months old, he is developmentally ready.
I mean, look at him:
Anyhow, we tried him on some bananas and he gulped them right down. There was no tongue thrusting the food out, no gagging, no confusion about what to do next. Food in mouth, food swallowed, food well digested, baby appeased.
He squawks for us to share at every meal.
His primary nutrition source remains breastmilk, but we pretty much give him tastes of whatever we're eating. He knows what's up, and he WILL be included.
The other night Quentin (intentionally) overcooked some cauliflower into mush for the baby, and the baby was DELIGHTED.
--
You know the worst people? People who think the Devil needs an advocate. Kelly sent me this, and I could not love something more.

If you think that you should be an asshole because someone needs to represent the assholes of the world, you are terrible.
Please leave immediately.
--
Two nights ago, Quentin traded cars with me while I was at work. That evening, I went out to my parking lot, opened up my husband's car, and prepared to drive away.
When I opened the driver's side door, I was greeted by this.
WHY.
--
Everett will be 5 months old soon. For my own record he:
Sits
Rolls
Eats
Coos
Plays with toys
--
Quentin took him to his 4-month appointment, which includes shots.
The reception desk at the pediatrician called me, at work, for my consent to give him those shots.
Despite the fact that he was taken to the doctor by his consent-giving parent who has the legal right to consent to his medical care.
Quentin is trying to parent this baby under an unfortunate combination of asshole assumptions:
- racism
- dads are useless and cannot provide meaningful care to infants
- probably some part of living in a part of the country where NOT vaccinating your kid is normal parenting.
There is no way anyone would ever call Quentin to double up on medical consent if I brought the baby to the doctor.
Quentin also reports that people ask the baby questions in a high pitched baby voice.
For instance, yesterday: "Where is your mommy? Is daddy taking a day off work and having a special daddy/baby day?"
Or, last week: "Look at you, do you look like your mommy? I bet you look like mommy!"
Gabriel, who is often in attendance, does a knock 'em dead impression of The Society of Nosy Ladies.
I'm not sure how I feel about that.