04 August 2008

Your life can't take a back seat when that IS your life

Another conversation point that was brought up over the day:  Doesn't parenting make the rest of your life secondary, and doesn't that suck?

In a word, no.  I am a mom.  And I'm not a mom sometimes.  I'm always a mom.  I'm a mom when I'm at work, I'm a mom when I'm on a date, I'm a mom when out with my friends, and I'm a mom in my sleep.  Every experience I've had since the moment I saw those two pink lines has happened through the lens of parenthood.  
I would undoubtedly be living a different life if I didn't have Gabriel.  I would probably focus more on my career, and therefore have a better job, I would still be traveling, I'm sure I would be spending more time out and on the scene and what have you.  But my life didn't go in that direction, so that's just not my life.  And I'm okay with that.  That stuff hasn't taken a back seat; I'm not secretly yearning for a lifetime of missed opportunities.  The things that you want change.  The things that I still want may have to happen differently, or later, or around a different schedule, but, frankly, I don't give a fuck.  This is my life.  I would be lying if I told you I was unhappy.  
Actually, as a side point, I'm a happy person.  I am content.  I have always been this way.  Growing up, if I would complain that I was bored, my mom would tell me that if I was bored I must be stupid, because if I was smart at all I would find something to do, and I wouldn't be bored anymore.  That's how I live my life.  I'm never bored.  If a movie sucks, I'll leave the theater.  If I'm home alone, I read a book.  I knit.  I go for a walk.  I fold my laundry.  I have never had any trouble occupying my time.  And also?  I'm happy.  There is some SERIOUS room for improvement in many aspects of my life.  I'm not saying that I don't aspire to greater things.  But I don't want to look back on a particular day, or month, or year, and think, God.  That sucked.  Because whatever day or month or year that was?  I only get one of it.  Then it's on to the next thing.  Why would I want to waste my life hating my life?  
Sometimes I'm sad, and sometimes I'm angry, and sometimes I'm so frustrated I want to scream.  But I tend to very quickly come back to regular old me, who has just as much fun staying in and organizing my CDs as I do out on the town acting crazy.  

1 comment:

  1. I learned in school that people who will leave the theater when the movie is bad are happier than people who stay to try to "get their money's worth." Loss-cutters are better off, and happier.