15 July 2008

Back away, fat American!

My mom, Laura and I were all at a consignment shop on our last day in Santa Barbara.  They were having a huge sidewalk sale, and I found a size 12, silk, floor-length gold ball gown from Banana Republic for $12.  I wasn't particularly interested in owning a gold gown, but I own a lot of clothes from Banana Republic/GAP/Old Navy, and I happen to know that I wear a size 12 there.  Or maybe, sometimes, a size 10.  So I held it up to show my mom:

Me:  Hey, mom look at this.
Foreign Woman:  I tried that on, it was much too tight around the ribs, and would not zip up.  It won't fit you.  You have much larger area than I.  You are much bigger in all ways.  You cannot wear that dress.  Your skin is too great.  

*Foreign Woman takes the dress out of my hands and puts it back on the rack*

Less than two minutes later, FW taps me on my shoulder, she is holding what I can only describe as a long-sleeved black mumu.

FW:  I have found a dress that will cover all over of your body in appropriate manner.
Me:  .....
FW:  This dress, it has enough fabric to fit over all of your larger parts.  I think it will fit over you entirely and nicely.
My mom:  I don't really think that's her style.
FW:  It is very nice dress.  You say this is not nice dress?
MM:  It's matronly. And she would never wear it.  
FW:  It is not a dress for the old ladies, it a dress for to cover all of her large pieces.
MM:  No thanks.
FW:  Okay, but you are mistaken in refusal to try on dress with large fabric area for all of your skin.

So then I HAD to try on the stupid gold Banana Republic dress, which, P.S. zipped up fine, and fit perfectly, because I WEAR A SIZE 12 AT THAT STORE.  After prancing around in the dress to prove to all onlookers that it fit me properly, I almost bought it out of spite, before I remembered that I never wanted it in the first place.

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8 comments:

  1. Umm...okay...did fw work at said store or was she just starving for attention??

    weird!!!

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  2. what the hell??? You must have had your "fly paper for freaks factor" turned on. Mine is broken in the on position so I know what it's like.

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  3. You should have told FW that she need to purchase large fabric area with which to smother her face.

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  4. I almost peed my pants. That is fucking hysterical.

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  5. Darling, I hope you weren't offended by any of these things because it's so ridiculous and HYSTERICAL! And I can bet she was wearing bad shoes cause that's what foreigners do best. I have put a check in the mail for $12 so you can go back and get it just to spite her.

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  6. That lady talks all crazy and awesome.

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