It's 2:12 a.m., and the flood lights from my apartment complex are flooding through the blinds I forgot to close. Gabriel is inexplicably sitting on my chest demanding goldfish. It is not until I am in the kitchen that I realize what an unreasonable request that is, and I come back with a glass of water instead. I settle him back into his bed at the foot of mine. He wants a back scratch. I fall asleep with my head where my feet should be.
3:37 a.m. Gabriel is lying in bed next to me, perfectly curled into my body. I wonder how this happened as I drift more peacefully to sleep.
5:34 a.m. Gabriel has angled himself horizontally in bed, and I am perched on the six inches of mattress between his body and the edge. Shifting him also wakes him. He only falls back asleep when he is lying on his belly, on my chest.
6:10 a.m. My alarm. I have to hit it quickly so that Gabe will sleep while I prepare. I stumble to the living room, turn on the lights, unlock the door. K is taking the babe to school today. In the bathroom washing my face, suddenly he's right next to me, telling me something, I'm too sleepy to care. I close the bathroom door. I go to my room to get dressed, he's sleeping with Gabriel in my bed. How did this happen?
7:00 a.m. I leave my house, my baby and my exboyfriend asleep in my bed. I feel offended, affronted, but it's hard for me to articulate how or why.
7:32 a.m. Work. My desk is a mess of papers and post its and mailings and labels and scantrons and exams and faxes and business cards and coffee from yesterday and paper clips and order forms. I call T-mobile. New phone=defective battery. With a thankful sigh, it is fixed and it is easy.
12:48 p.m. A student walks past the desk. He looks at me. "No lunch today?" I realize what time it is. I get up intending to go to lunch, but actually just pick up paperwork and go back to work. My head feels like smoke and fog.