11 November 2007


I'm changing my phone number. God told me not to post my new one on the internet, as that would not be classified as a wise choice, but if you want it, lemme know, and I shall give it to you.

Last night was a Stella going out night, and I have pretty mixed feelings about it. For one thing, I feel like a drank half a bottle of gin, and for another, I woke up at 6am in what, as far as I'm concerned, was a pretty compromising position. Then Chris told me that we're all sponges, and that made me feel pretty dirty, not just because I think sponges are the most disgustingly foul things on the planet.

Today K has Gabriel for a couple hours, so they can eat junk food and scam on girls, or whatever it is they do in their fancy sports car. I talked to his mom, which was weird. Especially since K was standing right there (obviously) so when she asked me how things were going between us, I said "Fine," instead of what I really, really wanted to say, and what I've said to everyone who's asked, but what I'm still not going to say here because I'm HOPING that things turn around a little bit, and I know that writing about it on the internet is not going to help.

However I will say this. If things do not get seriously and very much better, I'm seriously thinking about moving away from Chico. The ONLY reason I'm here is because I desperately want to do right by my son, and I feel like a strong relationship with his father would be "doing right" and K has managed to consistantly be FAR more work than help, and I don't have any help here. All of my friends are poor single moms who can't help me, I don't have family here. My cousin lives here, but she's a poor single mother too, and I NEED help. I need a support network. I can't do this by myself.

Anyways, my lease goes through June, and I figure that's plenty of time for things to turn around and become reasonable, but they had better do just that, or else I HAVE to go, because this? This thing that I'm doing right now? It doesn't work.

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