And to top it off, this is the worst picture I have ever taken

Had I known that when I came into work today, I would have my portrait taken so it could forever hang on the FUCKING wall I may have done some things differently. I possibly would have run a comb through my hair. Or washed my face. Or tried to cover up the undereye circles. Or put on some makeup. Or showered. Or gotten more than an hour of sleep. Or had some coffee. Any of these things might have improved the situation. But no, I have this: