Yesterday morning, as I was driving to work, I felt something sort of....plop. Onto my lap. And I reached down to feel what it was and I squished something that was SMALL AND FURRY AND WARM.
And that something squirmed.
And I almost died a tragic and horrible flaming death right there on the freeway on a Wednesday morning.
As I was driving my car which I drive, two baby rats fell onto my lap FROM THE NETHERS OF MY STEERING WHEEL AREA.
They were ALIVE.
I SQUISHED one.
BECAUSE LIVING BABY CAR RATS FELL FROM MY CAR ONTO MY BODY AND PERSON BECAUSE THAT IS THING THAT IS REAL AND EXISTS AND CAN HAPPEN BECAUSE CAR RATS.
NO NO NO.
This can't be a THING WHY IS THIS A THING.
So I used a napkin to fling the baby CAR RATS into some freeway brush, then quietly hyperventilated until a highway patrol officer pulled up to see why I was pulled over (Is there a problem ma'am?) and then I tried to pull it together and drive the rest of the way to work, even though my mom had VERY helpfully pointed out that there were DEFINITELY more babies in there. SOMEWHERE.
I kept jumping and startling and probably driving somewhat erratically because CAR RATS.
Then I had to drive HOME.
I took my car to the dealership this morning to address the CAR RATS and while they were appropriately sympathetic about LIVE LIVING RATS ON MY PERSON WHILE I DRIVE they were sort of distressingly NOT ALARMED by car rats in general.
Apparently it's baby car rat season.
Yesterday a man came in with a nest of baby rats under his passenger seat.
Car rats are real and they exist and you probably have them.
I thought I knew, but I really didn't know.
Car rats are worse than toilet mice.
Why do I KNOW that?
CAR RATS ON MY LEGSSSSSSS