28 February 2011

The Quick Life Update Post

*I am moved.  Tara and Kat are both incredibly good and generous people (and I just noticed that the three of us all have some super awesome dinosaur header thing going on, which I'm pretty sure means that we're all three the Grand Lords of Awesome).   Anyhow!  The three of us rallied our menfolk and got me moved over President's Day weekend. 
When Tara and her husband showed up on that Sunday, I'm pretty sure I was sitting in a pile of junk on my floor, staring at my hands and refusing to pack.  And yet, somehow all of my stuff is here, and not there.
I don't know why I have friends.
Why are people nice to me?
I feel like I have very little to offer by way of friendship or being a good person or anything else.  I think that on Moving! Day! I asked Kat at least three times, "But WHY are you friends with me? Why are you doing this? Why are you nice??"
I'm just lucky I guess.

*I am a full time student.  This is in the evenings, after working full time, in addition to not abandoning my son, of whom I've grown rather fond.
It's junior college, so it's not that the classes are hard, but it's taking up a lot of time.
And it sucks.
And I'm always tired.
And I still have something like 12 more weeks to go.

*I got my mouth operated on last Thursday.  It sucked, and I think I'm part zombie now, or something.

*My mom took my sister and me to Santa Barbara for the weekend.  I wouldn't really want to live there, because it's such a ridiculous place in so many ways, but man, I love Santa Barbara.  It was home for almost five years of my life.  That's where I went to college, and it's where I first struck out on my own, and it's where I first learned to live and run my own life as a Motherfucking Ad*lt.
I go there and I still  know how to get everywhere and I still know the good restaurants and I just love it.
I really do.

22 February 2011

Stop Telling Me Why You're Fat

Do you know how I became overweight?
I consumed more calories than I burned.

Do you know why I remain at my current weight?
My calories burned and my calories consumed are roughly the same.

Do you know how I could lose weight?
I could burn more calories than I consume.
Eat less, exercise more.
I'mma patent that shit, call it a program, and charge you $39.95 plus the cost of food to practice it with me.

17 February 2011

Dentists and Fat Pants

I was at the dentist yesterday, for a cleaning.
I have to actively keep my tongue from getting fresh with the dental implements. 
The moment I take my whole focus off of What My Tongue Is Doing, even for a second, it totally starts rubbing down whatever tool or hand is currently in my mouth.
Is this just me?
Tell me I'm not the only one.
Lie to me.
I wanted to ask the hygienist yesterday, "How does it feel to have your hands groped by tongues all day?"
But I didn't want things to get awkward.
My fat pants were tight on me this morning, which was.....troubling.
I've gained 7lbs in...not that much time.
I can tell you, absolutely, this is because of all the extra Sitting On My Ass I've been doing, because of school, as well as all the walking I haven't been doing, because I've had to devote my lunch breaks to errands, and ALSO because of all the stress eating I've been doing, because I'm an anxious ball of anxiety wrapped in angst, and I'm not going to feel normal again until my life settles out a little bit.
Fat Pants
Me, this morning, in my fat pants.
I prefer my smaller pants though.
Moving still sucks, and I have spent more hours cleaning my sister's oven than I would have imagined possible.

14 February 2011

What Do Guys Want for Valentine's Day?

I went out on Saturday.
At the end of the night, walking back to our car, my friend Lisa asked what she should get her husband for Valentine's Day.
I said, "I think guys just want sex. Or food? But mostly sex."
Male response?
"She's definitely not wrong on that one."
Lisa started asking the guys we passed walking down the street, "Hey what do guys want for Valentine's Day?"
Or maybe confused silence.
Then I'd pipe in with "I'm pretty sure they just want sex."
And the guy being surveyed would say, "Yes! That. Definitely."

So here's a list, based on our highly unscientific Saturday night survey:

1.  Sex.
2.  Sex that's somehow different than the sex you normally have.
3.  Really great sex.
4.  Food.
5.  Sex.
6.  Food, then sex.
7.  Sex, then food.
8.  Sex and food.
9.  Sex.
10.  Sex.

Uh....you're welcome?

11 February 2011

My Son is Not Hawaiian

I read this post today, written by my friend Kelly.
You should go read it.
It struck me, deeply.
There are only two ways I’ve experienced my race.
Not Black.
Black Enough.
This is my son, Gabriel:

Gabriel 1/17/11

People have said shocking things to me about my son. 

"He's light enough that his race shouldn't be a problem."
"With that blond hair and those blue eyes, I wouldn't worry about his race."
"You can just tell people he's Hawaiian.  He looks Hawaiian."

I am not worried about Gabriel's race.
I am, in the sense that he's something other than white in a country where being something other than white still matters.
But I'm not worried about his race the way people, even in liberal California, seem to assume I am.
I do not need to gloss over my son's heritage.

Gabriel is not Hawaiian.

My son is black.
He is also Irish, and Scottish, and Welsh, and Italian, and a direct descendant of Pocahontas.

What will his experiences be like, growing up?

How will his race shape those experiences?

I don't know.

I don't really know where this post is going, so I don't have a handy way to sum it all up. 
The presumption that my son may need or want to infer that he is something other than what he is appalls me.
He is lovely and bright and I want him to grow up into a lovely, bright world.

07 February 2011


MacBook Pro
I named her Imogen
So last week my computer started going seriously wonkified, which sucks, because THIS week I start taking a full load of courses (yes in addition to the working full time and the parenting full time - I'm an idiot, and soon to be overwhelmed).
My mother loves me, and she helped me buy this shiny MacBook Pro.
I love it deeply.
Every computer I've ever owned in my life has been an Apple laptop of some sort (iBook, PowerBook, MacBook, and now MacBook Pro).  So it's not like I'm a new convert to The Cult.  I love it.
I love her.
And I love my mom too, obviously.

Luckily my sister JUST moved, as these are her boxes
I'm moving.
This was decided at the beginning of January. 
I'm moving into my sister's old apartment (my sister bought a house!). 
It's smaller and older and crappier than my apartment.  It doesn't have a washer or a dryer or a dishwasher.  The bedrooms are tiny.  There is no bathroom counter space.  There isn't any storage.  It's bizarrely laid out.  It has a hallway full of wall to wall p0rno mirrors. 
But! It's significantly more affordable when it comes to dollars per month.  So I'm moving.
However, I refuse to be EXCITED about moving, because I hate moving with every fiber of my being, and I'm not even moving somewhere BETTER, so.
I've been in denial for the past month, which is why you may not have heard about it yet, but this weekend I realized that hey! I'm moving in two weeks!  Two weeks during which I will be in school full time and only have the weekends and then I will only have one weekend to move because I'm going out of town the following weekend!
So I got some boxes.
Can we all just agree that moving sucks?

03 February 2011

Study of Shapes Dress

$158 at Anthropologie
I want this dress.  The print is a little funky, but the colors go with my wardrobe, and the cut would be flattering.  I do well with dresses that nip in at the waist, to show that I have a waist.
I want it.
Because I like it.