13 October 2010

Day 14 → A hero who has let you down

Do you remember in elementary school, how you would have these writing prompts and it would be homework and you would have to do it?
There were two prompts that I seemed to get, well, always, that I never knew how to answer.

1.  Write about your hobbies.
2.  Write about your heroes.

I don't have any hobbies.
That's not to say that I sit around staring at the wall in my free time, but when people ask me what I do for fun it's like....oh god I don't know.
Oh wait.
We're not writing about hobbies, or the fact that I never turned in a single writing assignment re: same (note to self: write about this later, doofus).

Heroes!  Heroes?
I don't know.
I feel the same way I felt when I was eight years old, writing about my heroes for Mrs. Walker's third grade class.
I don't have any heroes.
I mean, okay.
I think my dad's pretty awesome, but I've never wanted to drop out of high school, get strung out on drugs and work a factory job, so I don't think "hero" is appropriate.
My mom's really, really great.
I strive to mother like her.
But I mean, not all the way.  Not with the struggling to be all things to all people that she does.
What about my grandmother?
God, she was so damned spirited. 
She volunteered at the county jail, she always gave her leftovers to the homeless.
She also got so drunk that she couldn't manage getting on her flight in Chicago,  leaving my 8 year old mother calling home for help.
I adore, admire these people.
But their flaws have never been hidden from me.
That goes for athletes and politicians and authors and scientists and public figures and everyone in the world.
I can remember no point in my life when I thought that there was a single unblemished person out there.
Humanity is imperfect.

Maybe my understanding of 'hero' is all wrong.
I don't think that the absolute model of behavior and action exists out there. 
I don't feel like I've been raised to set people up on pedestals, to expect heroics out of them.
People are just people, doing their best.
How could a hero let me down?
People have let me down.
Regular human friend people, with regular flaws and regular abilities and everyone fucks up sometimes.
Not heroes.
Just people.

Maybe I don't understand the question, but I just don't think it applies.
I don't think I have any heroes.
Just friends and family and people, with qualities I admire.
But nobody's perfect, and no one should be surprised when someone they love and admire fucks things up occasionally.
That's sort of what we do.
30 Days of Truth

No comments:

Post a Comment