23 September 2010

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.

As a disclaimer, I don't really hate anything at all.  But I have some STRONG feelings of dislike, so we'll go with that, okay?
Something you hate about yourself:

I'm not nice.

Not by any definition of the word.

There are other things I don't like about myself, sure.
I'm lazy.
I'm unmotivated.
I'm impatient.
I lack discipline.
Arguably too much of my sense of self worth is invested in other people liking me.
And hey!
Why is that my brain can only run as either Spazzed Out Distracted Butterfly on PCP or as Hyper-Focused Weirdo Obsessively Mulling Over the Same Thing for 14 Consecutive Hours?
What is that?

But all of those things, as important as they are undesirable, come in at distant second to my central flaw, around which all of the others dance and spin.

I'm not nice.

I think mean things about people and I'm calculating and I'm unforgiving and I'm judgmental and I'm stubborn and I'm not generous at all and I run icy cold for no good reason.
I frame everything in terms of how the perceived outcome will serve me.
I don't like 98.99% of humanity on contact.
I'm easily annoyed.
I'm selfish.
I'm an expert at picking out and describing the precise flaws of those around me.
And I do it.
Every time.

I'm not a very nice person.

I wish I was.
30 Days of Truth

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