04 July 2010

Fifth Grade

My opinions on Fifth Grade when I was a fifth grader:
*My teacher hated me, he was out to ruin my life, because he hated me and it didn't matter what I did or how I did it because he hated me.
*School was stupid and they make you do all of these STUPID assignments that are STUPID and OBVIOUSLY I know how to do all of this STUPID STUFF and WHY do I have to turn it in to YOU, STUPID TEACHER WHO IS STUPID?  
*OHMYGOD my life is unfair.

Somewhat relatedly, I totally ditched school in fifth grade.  When I was ten.  Elementary school.
It was horrible and I hated it and it was horrible.
My current opinions on homework are essentially unchanged.  I hate having to provide Proof of Learning.  It sucks the joy out of the acquisition of knowledge.
Today my mom handed each of her adult kids a box of all the school work she'd saved; do with it what you will.  My preschool drawings have spent their maximum term in my mom's hutch, and either I can save them for myself, or not.
This box is pretty magical, and not just because it's labeled (no joke) 'Mars Travel/Recreation'.
Up until today, I had myself pretty well convinced that fifth grade was probably not as bad as I remember it.
Even though I have a really good memory and I remember it being bad.
You guys?
Some of the stuff from fifth grade is positively EVIDENCE in my favor.
Since it's Independence Day, I think it's only fitting that I share what I have on the Revolutionary War.  I didn't scan the whole bloody report, because I'm lazy, and it's not actually embarrassing or poorly written.  Although, kinda.  I mean, I wrote a novel on the Revolutionary War.  Wrote and illustrated.
Okay maybe I should scan the whole thing.
What I'm going to show you is the 'About the Author' section that I wrote, and my Fifth Grade teacher's evaluation.

First, About the Author (click to embiggen):
'about the author'
It reads:  About the author
Jenny J- is a ten year old girl going to Bradley School.
This book was inspired by a school assignment.  Story was forced labor.

I remember being forced to do these idiotic assignments, which, whatever, but I remember my PARTICULAR RAGE at being forced to write the About the Author section, and having to include the inspiration for the story.  THIS WAS A HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT YOU DUMB FUCK THERE WAS NO INSPIRATION!!
Regardless, this is pretty fucking bratty snipe snipe snipe at my teacher and what I thought of his stupid report requirement.

But!  The evaluation (click to biggify):
Teacher Evaluation
Reads:  Very late. C
You have some authentic touches.
There are many excellent lines in this, Jenny.
The problem of the tory/patriot families is hardly mentioned and not resolved.
Explanation for the mother's death??
I enjoyed your story, even if it was forced. Look at it this way Jenny, any work you do is forced.

I just.....DUDE.  Okay fine I turned it in late and there's obvs some legit grading and criticism but that last line?  It KILLS me.  It's my evidence that he was SO VERY MUCH an equal participant in our antagonistic relationship.  Why include that little barb? Why include it when grading your TEN-YEAR-OLD STUDENT?
I'm not saying I wasn't a brat, because, obviously.  Look at my About the Author post one more time if you don't think I was a brat.  But seriously?  SERIOUSLY?
I'm just saying.
My fifth grade teacher was exactly as much of a dick as I remember him being.
That is all.