So far 2010 hasn't sucked.
I admit that only five days into it, I might be a little quick to judge, but I'm choosing optimism!
2009 was full of too much worry and death and loss and struggle and sadness.
It was not a year without value; I made many, many new and wonderful friendships and connections, I stabilized many aspects of my life, I reoriented myself. But there was a lot of hurt. A disproportionate amount of time spent in tears, especially for someone who never, ever cries.
Did you know that I never-ever cry?
Well....not usually anyways.
My first day of 2010 I woke up at my parents' house. I'd stayed the night, kicking Daniel out of his room (that was first and mostly my sister's for close to 18 years, then Duncan's, then briefly mine, then Duncan's again, so that no one really thinks of it as Daniel's room and we all kick him out without batting an eye).
I woke up in the house that I grew up in, sleeping beside the son whom I'm hoping grows up half so well.
I had coffee and cookies for breakfast, so it only seemed fair to let Gabriel have cake. We poked around by the fire and later Laura and I went walking and it was that sort of day where it's both grey and clear all at once, in a lovely, clean-smelling way.
I took Gabriel back home to meet his dad for the weekend, and, once he was gone, I spent the bulk of it cleaning and errand running; puttering my house shoeless and braless, sipping on either coffee or wine, depending on the hour.
I went grocery shopping, I packed away the Christmas clutter, I organized, I slept and slept and slept, I spent some time with friends, and then on Sunday I drove to Sacramento to get my sweet boy back, none the worse for wear.
Yesterday was my first day back at work, all that time off simply showing clearly all that I'm missing at home. I wasn't quite ready.
But work is goodish, or fine, or whatever.
And today it wasn't quite so painful to peel myself out of bed before dawn.
And today Gabriel was slightly less reticent to waking.
And here we are.
Our first week of 2010.
And I think we're going to be fine.
Everything's going to be fine.