How can you follow up a feel-good-celebrate-the-positives post? With a tidy explanation of Things That Are Wrong With My Face, of course.
1. Forehead - Jayzus my forehead is bigger than my hand. My hair doesn't start until after my head tops off and starts working its way backwards, giving me a bulb-head look (hence the bangs you often see). Related but not specifically addressed are the forehead wrinkles, which come from having such a vast swath of skin with which to work - I scrunchle it often.
2. Eyebrows. Where are you eyebrows? You exist as but a question of a shadow, to be penciled in every morning in a futile attempt to break up the insurmountable area between my eyeballs and my hair.
3. Eyes. Small, asymmetrical (the one on the left is longer and shorter), downward-slanting, and with strange stubbly little eyelashes.
4. The bottom lines of my under-eye circles continue out of their designated area, cavorting across my entire cheek and bisecting them diagonally.
5. I have a freckle mustache. Sometimes people tell me I have dirt on my lip. Them's mah freckles bitches!
6. I have a double chin. It's hawt.