03 December 2009

Christmas Myths, ET CETERA

-WHERE IS SANTA
So. K and I have come to a conclusion about the whole Santa thing. He'll come to both our houses. I'm still not sold on this solution, because, obviously, if we're extending the whole Santa Myth into our realities, I mean really, COME ON NOW. Wouldn't Santa just know through his magic where Gabriel was waking up on Christmas morning, and fill his stocking there? And Gabriel would travel with his stocking, obvs.
But, it is what it is, and onward we go.
Another Santa discrepancy is that in my family growing up, Santa only filled your stocking, small toys, trinkets, Christmas candy, etc., and all the Gifts of Substance were from Real Live Humans. K's Santa brought the biggest and shiniest present, all out of the package and put together with a bow on it under the tree.
Harumph, I say!

-CHRISTMAS TREES ARE EATING MAH BRAINZ
Only one of our strands of outdoor lights is working, reasons unknown. I cannot find my cable staples, reasons unknown. Our Christmas tree lights frighten me, REASONS KNOWN BECAUSE OMG TANGLED BALL OF TERROR.
We don't have a tree yet. I'm theoretically-hypothetically-I-guess-so getting one this weekend but the weight of that chore is simply dragging me down Into The Mire. You mean I have to go somewhere and get a tree and affix it somehow to my vehicle and drive it home without dying and then somehow get it off/out of my vehicle and then somehow wrangle it up the stairs and set it up and make it pretty all without killing myself or Gabriel??? No fucking thank you.
Check it out INTERWEBS: I will pay in cash money and/or sexual favors the person who brings me a decent looking tree and props it up somehow in my living room. Please and thank you.

-YOU'D BETTER BELIEVE IS WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY
The other day Gabey asked me if everyone believed in Santa. I said no. He asked if Santa visited everybody. I said no. He asked me why Santa doesn't visit everyone. I said, "Santa only brings presents to people who believe in him." (Should stave off future Is Santa Real attacks, score one for mom). The next morning (it might have been yesterday), in all seriousness Gabriel asks me, "If Santa only brings you presents if you believe he's real, why wouldn't you believe in him??"

UPDATE
I seem to have successfully bribed Kat's well-muscled boyfriend into tree-delivery. HUZZAH! I knew having her move into my complex would come in handy.