26 September 2009

So I got into a bit of an argument with a friend of mine last night....

A wee little rant

1. We all know that I'm not K.Dot's biggest fan. We have a contentious relationship, at best.
2. A lot of my 'in-real-life mom friends' are single parents. Most of them have antagonistic relationships with the father of their child(ren).
3. I have a number of friends, friends whom I otherwise admire, who play an active role in keeping their children away from their dads, on the premise that the guy is a jerkoff asshole.

WELL. That pisses me right the fuck off.
I believe you when you say he's a douchenozzle, and I'm certain that he's behaving like one at this very moment.
But unless you are concerned for the safety of your child? Whether or not s/he has a relationship with his or her father is simply not your decision to make. You had sex with the guy. You had just as much to do with making that baby as he did. You determined that this would be the father of you child.
Therefore, you get to deal with the fact that he's an emotionally stupid asshat. That's a choice you made when you had sex with him in the first place.
Is it your job to keep your child safe? Yes. So let me be clear: I'm not talking about abuse situations. I'm talking about regular plain old I'm a single parent I do a hell of a lot of work and I can't count on this guy for shit situations.
It's not your job to keep your child from a relationship with her dad, even if it's because you're certain he'll end up failing her (and I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND the protective instinct at work here).
The way I see it, your job as a single parent (mother or father) is as follows:
*Be there for your child.
*Be there emotionally.
*Be supportive.
*Don't ever say anything negative about the other parent in front of or to the child, no matter how pissed off you are. That's not your job.
*Don't put the kid in the middle.
*If the other parent lets your kid down, by not showing up for the school play or not calling after dinner or WHATEVER, just be there for your kid.

Your child will grow up and come to their own conclusions about you, and about their other parent. Your negativity towards the other person in the relationship is not going to help anyone in the end.

It's not my job to come run interference in Gabriel's relationship with his father. It's my job to be there for him and help him understand his feelings if his father lets him down.
(To be clear, this is not a post about Gabriel's dad. This is about single parenting in general, and how I feel about it)
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