23 June 2009

Tuesdays! Rarely Awesome!

1. Tuesdays. Not Generally Awesome.
Tuesday is my least favorite day of the work week, because on Mondays everyone expects you to be sorta hungover or at least useless, and from Wednesday on you can at least envision what your weekend might look like, and fantasize about being pantsless with a quart of ice cream and a cocktail and Weeds on DVD.
Also Tuesdays are the day that I have to complete the most ACTUAL REAL LIVE WORK just on account of when we print checks for invoicing and stuff (oh yeah I accidentally fell into a black hole where I'm responsible for accounting?).
And I maybe kinda got sort of intoxicated while I was dicking around on the internet after Gabriel went to bed last night, so waking up this morning was Less Than Ideal. But I made up for it by concocting An Outfit.

2. Outfit!
I look sorta cute today. Except every time anyone tells me so I feel the need to point out that my skirt is actually a dress with a shirt over it, and look at this weird thing my bra's doing, and my awesomely hot pink Shoes Of Goodness aren't actually the exact shade of pink in the flower of my skirt/dress. So I need to learn to take a compliment in a slightly less self-sabotaging way. Also I'm wearing a green cardigan over this whole ensemble and it's lead to my personal DID YOU GET THE MEMO nightmare with my most very hated of coworkers.

3. Hated coworker!
So one of my rules for this site is not to talk too much shit about people that might someday read this blog but honestly I kind of hope that she reads this because then maybe we wouldn't have to speak words.
I work with this woman, and I have a really hard time describing the depths of my hate to people who don't know her, yet can just utter her name and everyone who does know her knows exactly who/what/why. She's sort of like an android. Like a robot who's pretending to be a person, and therefore has no understanding of normal social cues, such as my refusal to speak to her unless work related and necessary. Objectively it's almost Terribly Sad, but as a person who has to live in the situation, I just find it Terribly Infuriating. She makes me feel dead inside.
One of the things she clings to for normal social interaction is this: If two people (of the 40 or so in our office) are wearing the same color shirt/pants/shoes (including black!) she'll say something like, "Oh I didn't get the blue trousers memo." And then she'll repeat it to everyone who might not have heard the first go around. Trust that EVERY DAY there are at least two people wearing jeans, or black shoes, or whatever. So I have to hear this MANY MANY TIMES. This morning as I was walking to the building I saw her husband dropping her off up ahead and first thought is OH NOES we are both wearing green sweaters shoot me now fuck double fuck she's going to use that as a conversation piece fuck. So I speedily put my headphones in my ears (playing nothing), and am walking slowly to avoid, but shit, she sees me and slows down too but I'm not making eye contact and OH MY GOD and then she leaps from behind a pillar to say GREEN SWEATER DAY!
She sucks the joy out of living.

4. Mini-Break!
My mom's taking me and my sister to Santa Barbara this weekend! We're all ditching our sons! And staying in a posh hotel! And eating delicious foodstuffs! Squee double squee!

11 comments:

  1. holy shit, i was wearing a green sweater today also. (your android co-worker/bestie sent me the memo--hope you don't mind)

    question. what are we wearing tomorrow?

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  2. Your co-worker should meet my co-worker who asks how much anyone paid for a piece of clothing she also might own, and then tells them she paid less and goes on and on about how she bargains shops.

    It makes me want to start making my own clothes out of banana leaves.

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  3. Oh yeah. I know her. I've worked with one of those.

    You have my deepest Tuesday sympathies.

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  4. Good call on Tuesdays. Sigh...

    Also, I don't take compliments well. Added bonus, I like to tell everyone how much I didn't pay for something (got it on sale!) when complimented. Luckily, for the most part, my coworkers are bargain hunters too.

    Hope your weekend's superduper!

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  5. I have a great disregard for that woman you spoke of. Jumping out and yelling Green Sweater Day would have given me a sudden attack of Turrets; it would have made my smack her right in the nose with my overly heavy shoulder bag. Yup ... it's true ... that totally would have happened.

    (because I have the AWESOME kind of turrets!)

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  6. The only way to properly enjoy Weeds is to be pantless, and with ice cream.

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  7. There is one in every crowd. If YOU feel dead inside when she's around, I wonder what SHE feels like. Not that any one cares. Which is the sad part.

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  8. Oh Santa Barbara, how I love thee. That is my home away from home. I am very jealous. Can you have a bowl of Chowder at Brophey Brother's for me while you are there?

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  9. Misunderstanding social cues? Repeating the same not-funny joke over and over? This woman sounds like she has Asperger's syndrome, or high functioning autism. She may need to be told upfront, explicitly taught, that this is rude and not funny at all.

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  10. I don't own a green sweater, so I guess I didn't get the memo ;)

    Santa Barbara was in my top three favorite places we stayed out in Cali. Hope you guys had a great time!!!

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  11. Rough.
    I guess I have something that's technically a green sweater. It has a zipper though, so I'm not sure?

    Annoyance. ;/

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I live for validation.