22 May 2009

I'm tired of your Flashdance costume. Please stop.

When I get dressed, the main objective is that heterosexual men find me attractive. That's the singular goal of 'looking good.' I don't mind being objectified occasionally.

Which brings me to my rant. What in the living fuck are some women (girls?) thinking when they get dressed in the morning??
I'm not talking about throwing clothes on because you can't very well go to work naked, pulling on jeans and a sweatshirt as you're walking out the door and you barely got your kids dressed so don't anyone expect you to brush your hair, running to the store for milk in a ratty old wife beater and a pair of sweats. I do that, everyone does that, and fuck you in the neck if you want to get all uppity Judgy McJudgerson about that shit. Fuck you directly.

I'm talking about putting together an outfit. Creating an ensemble for the day, looking in the mirror, appraising, thinking, "Yes. THIS is a good choice."
And I know that women follow fashion for the sake of other women. Truly, I get that. But I work with and around the Fashion-Forward-Nineteen-Year-Old set, and I don't understand the objective of dressing like one of the Olsen Twins, or like an American Apparel model. Skinny jeans only look good if you are skinny, and even then, meh, not really. Seriously, I see WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE DRESSED LIKE THIS on a daily basis (go on, click over, I'll wait). I see some incarnation of that fucking headband at least 10 times daily.
What is that? I mean, that is an outfit choice people. That's not just a scrubby throw-together. That's a put-together, looked-in-the-mirror-and-decided-to-leave-the-house out and out look.

I'm not saying that I'm particularly likely to sacrifice comfort for appearance, but I am saying, that if I make an effort my single objective is to look good. That means I want my waist to look small, my tits to look perky, my ass to look cute, and my clothes to fit me right. I just don't understand why anyone makes any effort for any other reason in the world.

20 comments:

  1. I agree with you whole-heartedly. I am the least likely person to make the effort, I work from home and live in pajamas. I do NOT understand the people that ARE making the effort and wear the ugliest shit ever. *I* KNOW I dont look good right now, where as you seem to be blithely unaware of the fact that all of your effort has left you looking like crap.

    Here here, good post. :)

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  2. Yesterday we were at kareoke, and there were 2 women there with a group that I couldn't look away from.
    One wore a high-waisted black mini with a ratty tank top tucked in, and opened to her belly button. Which is where the skirt began. And ratty hair.
    The second wore a skintight purple jumper - with no bra, despite at least large C-sized boobs - and painful-looking 4-inch gladiator stilettos.
    They screamed for the waitress, yelled at the kareoke guy every time he didn't call their name, and got up and danced on their chairs... a lot.
    I think they were retarded.
    - Daph

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  3. OMG....she has a cat's tail wrapped around her forehead? Somebody sure effed up those twins. Ugh.

    Uh, the headband/skinny jean thing hasn't hit Calgary yet I guess. I do see the faded black jeans making a comeback. And to that I say "Hell no! The eighties are dead and gone. No reapeatsies!"...omg were the eighties wrong. So, so wrong.

    *shudder*

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  4. Seriously? The headband? What the fuck? It doesn't look good on anyone, include the Olson dolls. Thank God I never see anyone in unfashionable Seattle wearing such a hideous thing.

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  5. OMG.I totally thought the headband was a blurred out part of the image. I had no idea it was an actual accessory!

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  6. It's that ole "damn I look good mirror" they have, wtf??

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  7. It looks like the FCC took offense to her forehead and censored it.

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  8. Oh my gosh! I LOVE THIS. Seriously. Do they look in the mirror or just buy what is sold together and hope it looks good on them?

    You hit the nail on the head with the "I want my waist to look small, my tits to look perky, my ass to look cute, and my clothes to fit me right" Is there a reason to aim for any other goal?

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  9. Maybe their goal is to look liked an actual douchebag.

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  10. Fuck you in the neck. I'm so glad I read this before 8am, it's like you set a benchmark. And what the fuck is wrapped around her forehead?

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  11. I would never wear anything the olsen twins wear. I have always thought they looked like idiots.

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  12. Are you serious that you see people wearing headbands like that, because that is truly fucked up!!!!

    I make an effort to be comfortable and relatively attractive most days I leave the house. Some days, that means brushing my teeth and throwing on a baseball hat and huge sunglasses, and some days I aim a little higher if I have to go to work or out at night, but I've never been accused of wearing an outfit unless it was Halloween ;)

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  13. Most baffling to me? Tights as pants. I'm not talking about leggings (though they are also not pants), I'm talking about tights. Where you can see the control top part, because they are being worn AS PANTS. IN WINTER. IN COLORADO. This is one step from wearing only pantyhose, people. Seriously.

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  14. There are multiple people I want to ask that question to. Like really, are you colorblind? I would rather be 10 minutes late to work than look homeless.

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  15. I love a good rant! And I'm NOT ready to see headbands. It usually takes 6 months or so before the fashion in the west hits the south. I'm hoping this dies before then.

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  16. I don't understand the headband. I don't understand skinny jeans. Ick.

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  17. I love that I'm not the only person in the world who sees an outfit and thinks "Hum, seriously? Does she own a mirror?" or my favorite "did you actually put that on and say 'wow, I look good, I should go out in public'. I live in LA and work a block away from American Apparel. I want to slap all those girls. Not that I am always fashionable- but I'm also not a joke either. Thank you for letting me know I'm not alone in hating on the late teen fashionably challenged legging-tards of America

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  18. Well said lady. That pic is hilarious. You do gotta wonder what these people are smoking when they think they look good like that. Maybe they are aspiring to be a clown or something like that, maybe they are just confused or color blind perhaps.

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  19. I have not seen that in person. I would laugh out loud, and that would be embarrassing. For them.

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  20. That headband and... dress {?} is ludicrous. Yipes!

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I live for validation.