16 April 2009
Girl Talk Thursday - Sex Shenanigans
I don't know if you've noticed, but I don't tend to talk about sex with anyone besides myself on this site. That's because my stories are either fantastically embarrassing or genuinely personal, and I do in fact have a (paper thin!) filter on my writing.
That said, yesterday was Maria's birthday! How can I do anything less than make a fool of myself?
This is not technically about sex, but it's DEFINITELY shenanigans.
Right before I moved from Chico we had a "going away party" (quotes necessary). If memory serves correctly, Stella, Sheena, Darci and I went out. At some point, per usual, the grownups went home, and Stella and I continued adventuring. Some of her friends from the Bay Area were in town, and we accompanied them to an afterparty at the bachelor hovel of some mutual friends.
We were...hmm....slightly more than drunk. Pretty much all night, I was sitting on the couch wrapped up in a blanket, enjoying the heck out of drinking about ten gallons of water. At sometime closer to day than night, I wanted to go to bed, and I went with Stella and a few other people downstairs, in search of something resembling an unoccupied horizontal surface.
I found a stripper pole.
So I'm laying on the floor in this dark creepy basement space, and Stella's there, and some guys I know, including one of Stella's friends, who really, desperately wants to lie down with me.
Know this: I could not have been more clear about the fact that he was getting none. NONE. I think my exact words were, "I'm absolutely not hooking up with you." "Oh nah, that's cool, I know it's not like that."
We're lying there, and the whole time it's just me slapping his hands off my boobs and out of my pants, until it FINALLY occurs to me that I LIVE AROUND THE CORNER. Fuck. This. I tell Stella I'm out, she says she's staying, fine. Dude follows me upstairs. I'm at the front door. He's got his hands on my hips, asking me "Why you gotta be like this?" It's 730 in the morning.
"Can't I just dry hump your leg for a little bit?"
"Look, I don't care if you have to rub one out real quick in the bathroom, or do whatever you need to do, but this CAN'T be a surprise. I'm leaving."
That was that.
Bonus! Picture from that night! Don't Stella and I look completely sober and capable of making wise choices?