30 January 2009

Letter to my heart

Dear Heart,

First, I have to apologize for all of the times I haven't listened to you. Thing is? My head has a WAY better thing going when it comes to fundamental logic, not to mention knowing the big words. Especially when it counts.

I know I've foolishly turned my back on people when you were begging me to wrap them up in my arms and keep them forever. Even more foolishly, I've stuck around despite all of your desperate pleas to leave, just because I felt compelled to Do The Right Thing.

I should have done the right thing for you.

If I could do it again, I would tell him I liked him. And I would tell him that I loved him. Really loved him like I didn't even know you could. And him? I would have told him that I honestly don't have the time to take care of anyone but myself.

I spend so much time looking the other way and pretending that you're not a part of me; I don't know if I could figure out how to listen to you. Not even if I wanted to. My life has always been so much easier when I can look at the deeds, the things, the facts. Even writing this, I STILL don't know if I would hear you, if you decided to start talking. I don't know if I can get you to talk. Are we even speaking anymore?

Dear heart, I love you. At least, I think I love you. Could you tell me if that's true?

Thanks,

Me

12 comments:

  1. The heart. The gut. Always playing second fiddles to the brain and its hard-to-ignore logic. Sigh.

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  2. this is really poignant Grace. don't let go of your search. and i'm talking about yourself, your whole self, and not the search for a guy. xo

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  3. Hmm ... maybe we should swap for a day? I never use my brain and always use my heart. Maybe that's why it's felt so awful these last 2 weeks?

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  4. Damnit Grace - that was amazing.

    When you listen to your head you usually don't get hurt. When you listen to your heart you do amazingly stupid things. Either way you will have regret. Miss Know It All says listen to your head. But I've found when you do things (especially love related ) with your head, you end up making business like decisions and it bites you in the ass. You feel empty, lonely. Oh hell, it goes back to the whole 'is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all'. I prefer to have never loved myself. Then you don't know what you could have.

    Doesn't it all just SUCK.

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  5. Since Glamour Girl quoted me...I'll just add this. Listen to your heart. Don't be like me ... 40 years old and trying to break a habit of not listening to your heart. Because while getting hurt sucks...but so does not getting what you want just because you are afraid to take the chance on someone.

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  6. Wow, Grace, that post made my mouth open in wonder. You should read that over every once in a while to remind yourself....
    It's so hard to listen to your heart. But often worth it.

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  7. Ugh, heart versus head is a tough one. You know what to follow but doing it is the toughest part.

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  8. I'm always listening to my heart, and making enemies.

    But it's funner than doing what my head wants me to do.

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  9. Great post, girl! I'd like to think that I've matured into listening to both equally, but my head still kicks my heart's ass more often than not.

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  10. beautiful letter grace - well done!

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  11. The sweet, crusty, rusty enduring heart.

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  12. love this, especially the last line. and your commenters are wise, too. keep listening to that beautiful (if crusty, rusty) heart.

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