08 December 2008

Santa Issues

My brain hasn't been working lately. At least not for lengthy thoughts. Hence, the bullet style posts of the past couple days. Apologies.

*I believed in Santa Claus, really and truly believed, until I was ten years old. I WAS A FIFTH GRADER! THAT IS OLD! I never questioned the logic of thousands of elves making plastic crap in the arctic tundra. I clung to my belief despite the wise-ass ways of all of my schoolmates because I knew that (a) my mom would never lie to me, and (b) if Santa wasn't real, my sister would have ruined it for me as soon as she found out. Like how she told me about sex when I was three. Thanks for that Laura. Also, Santa used special different wrapping paper that my parents never had. I had asked my mom about it before, and she was all, "Of course there's a Santa." Of course she doesn't lie to me, so of course I believed her. In fifth grade, when I found the stocking stuffers whilst snooping through my parents' closet looking for prezzies, I was shocked. I confronted my mom. She laughed at me. Laughed at me. More importantly, my sister found out there was no Santa in Kindergarten, because she asked my mom, and my mom told her. And neither one ever told me?? Innocence died that day.

*In my family, Santa brought you your stocking. El fin. Everything else was from real live people who were there that day. In K.Dot's family, Santa brought the biggest, most important toy, unwrapped under the tree, and they didn't really do stockings. This is presenting a conflict for Gabriel's Christmas.

*A couple weeks ago, K.Dot took Gabriel to see Santa in the mall. Gabriel asked him for a Spider-Man bike and a cookie. Well. K.Dot says that Gabriel asked for a Spider-Man bike, and Santa asked for a cookie, but that's not how Gabey remembers it. As of today, the cookie is at least as important as the bike.

Also, completely unrelated, I wanted to clarify that I'm not having any impotence issues with my uncompleted life list. It's a life list, and I don't plan on dying anytime soon. Also, I HAVE done cool stuff that I'm proud of, but I made this list since then, and I don't believe in writing something down just so I can cross it off, yknow?


  1. I've often wondered if most therapy could be traced back to Christmas lies?

    I too do the different wrapping paper but I just don't know how far to take it? Crap - when is too early for them to know if they ask. WHY is there always another possibly life altering decision around ever corner! :-)

  2. My son said he thought Santa was a guy in a suit the other day. Luckily we know the guy so I asked him how it was Santa knew his name and the street he lived on.

    I had him on that one. It's only a matter of time now though.

  3. Hmm the cookie is definitely up for debate but the bike could be interesting. I smell an all nighter putting that baby together.

  4. Wait? There's no Santa Claus? When the fuck did this happen?!

  5. I still believe in Santa! This is the first year my son asked for some ridiculously big ticket items, so we had a little talk about the economy putting the squeeze on even Santa.

    He tested me with the "but the elves make everything" argument, and I just told him that Santa still has to pay to feed all those little helpers and the deer and that his electric bill has to be out of this world. He totally bought it.

  6. Gabe's got it all wrong. Cookies are WAY more important than a bike is.

  7. You won't believe this in the age of YouTube and cynicism, but my 12 year old believed last year. Not sure about this year, but his ten year old fifth-grade sister is all about the Claus. Yikes. I sort of feel guilty.

  8. I believed in Santa until about the same age. I was CRUSHED when my best cousin told me it wasn't true. I went home and cried to my mother.
    I will be sad when lil moonspun stops believing, but I know it's just a couple more years.
    Growing up, and I've kept this tradition, Santa didn't wrap gifts. That's how you knew they were from him.