09 December 2008

Creepy/weird things in my parents' house

*In their bedroom closet, my parents have a walrus skull. Just sort of...hanging out under the coats. Try snooping through your mom's stuff and finding that.

*They use a pair of coffin tables as end tables. The kind you use to put a coffin on for display, which isn't morbid at all.

*There's a horrifying wooden Balinese harpy hanging from the ceiling at the top of the stairs. You don't see it unless you look directly up, which somehow makes it worse.

*In my old bedroom there are doors into the attic. Doors which are about four feet high, and a foot and half wide. Doors that are the perfect size for the evil zombie elves you think might live in the attic. The demon elves that you can hear skittering around at night. They keep you up, making all of their pitter patter noises. Growing up to discover that you can actually hear rats skittering around at night is not any more comforting.

*Another reason my bedroom used to terrify me: it didn't used to have a wall switch for the light. It had a single dangling light bulb hanging from the ceiling in the middle of the room, and you had to walk blindly into the (demon elf infested) dark, reaching for the string to turn it on. Getting light switches installed was a huge bonus.

*Something else that was wrong with my room: when I was in high school (and my light had a switch plate on the wall, which was nice), my bedroom window had a large crack going through it, and my room was consistently 10-15 degrees colder than the rest of the house.

*My room is the biggest bedroom in the house, which somewhat made up for all the other. However, it's now my 16-year-old brother James' room, and the creepy doors have locks on them, the windows have glass(!), so I think he's getting a better deal. Also, while I was always moved out of my room for guests, my parents currently have more bedrooms than in-home children, so they actually have a guest bedroom.

*This isn't actually in my parents' house, but getting back to things that terrified me as a child, on the (perhaps 3 minute) walk through the woods to my Aunt Rebecca's cabin, there's this tree root that looks exactly like a gnarled old zombie man escaping from the Earth. It even looks like that in the daytime as a grownup. Maybe I need to take a picture of it.

My parents actually have a very lovely house in many other ways. Here is a very nice picture of my mommy's kitchen.


  1. My bedroom was always very cold as well. I always thought it was just the huge drafty window which was original to the house, but then one day I found out that my dad had been doing something to the ducts in the basement and turned off the one to my room, and FORGOT to turn it back on. For years. Of course I was grown and moved out by then.

  2. When I was a kid, I had (in my opinion) the best bedroom in the house. It was the biggest, it was upstairs, and my parents cut out a big hole in the wall to make a "cubby" under the eaves - a great place to hide or hangout. I put a sleeping bag in there and slept most of the nights in my cubby.

    Anyway, when I was 14, my parents suddenly decided to trade bedrooms with me. Officially, it was because of my dropping grades - their bedroom was downstairs on the main floor - and this way they could keep a better "eye on me". Of course, they really just wanted the better bedroom.

    When they moved me (very much against my will) they promised they'd at least paint my new room any color I wanted and get me new furnishings. Of course, that never happened - I had to live with this nasty, deteriorating wall paper that if you tapped, you'd hear thousands of little particles falling underneath. It was weird. And being a teenager in what was essentially a public room - one door to the dining room, one door to the kitchen, one door to the hall, all on the main floor - was awful.

    To top it off, the moment I moved out to college, they painted and remodeled the room (while my sister's bedroom, upstairs, remained a shrine to her for all time -- it still looks the same as the day she moved out, bar the crib they added for overnight grandchildren stays.) Grrr.

  3. I f'ing love your house, and everything surrounding it. You probably don't remember that I've even been there... but believe me, objects and aspects of your home occupy many "what I want when I get my own place" lists. You've got a goddamn hideaway in a redwood forest, woman.
    - Daphne

  4. that dangling light bulb thing would freak me out. and the harpy! what a great word, harpy.

  5. Do you think it would be weird if I asked your mom if I could see her walrus skull?

  6. Daphne, I know you've been to my house dorcus.

    Aurora, it's actually my dad's walrus skull, from his great-uncle Herb. Does that make it better, or worse?

  7. You seem incredibly well-adjusted for a person who grew up in such a house. Your bedroom sounds like it could be the basis of a horror movie.

  8. Creepy ass elves.

    Seriously...that attic door thing would have made me a raging lunatic. Even now...raging.

    Who has a walrus skull? Where did they get that? Nevermind....obviously off a dead Walrus. I guess the better questions would be WHY THE EVER LOVING HELL DID THEY GET ONE?

  9. What the heck does a walrus skull look like???

  10. My bedroom in our first house was down a hall that was lined with cabinets that were about three feet tall, and one time one of the cats got locked in a cabinet. My brother and I woke up in the middle of the night to the most unbelievably scary scratching, whining sounds coming from outside our door.

    We were too afraid to go down the hall to escape, so we stood there and screamed until my sister opened her door at the other end of the hall. Now, we were five and four, but my sister was 13, and she was so afraid that she wouldn't come get us. We all screamed until my mother came up and found the "scary monster".

    From that day until we moved out, my brother and I would run as fast as we could by those cabinets, because we always believed some evil demon was in there, snapped the cat up as she walked by and wouldn't let go of her tail until my mother saved her.

    I never would have slept a wink with those attic doors in my room!

  11. Hi there! I'm visiting from Lola's blog, and just wanted to say I'm enjoying reading! My sister's room also had a tiny, creepy attic door. Luckily, we didn't have rats. Only ginormous cockroaches and spiders.