Want to feel like a kinder, more giving, less judgmental person? Just start comparing yourself to me!
Here's what I did on Thursday:
First, I went to lunch with a coworker. At lunch, there was a little boy that I know from the park.
"I don't care for that child. I don't like looking at him. I don't like the way his head is shaped like an upside-down isosceles triangle, and I don't like the way his old parents have turned him into such a socially inept dork. I don't like him at all."
"Jenny, I think he's four."
"I don't discriminate based on age. He's still worthy of my hate."
Then, we drove from lunch back to work, and these three guys were in the crosswalk in front of me. Me, looking at one of them directly in the eye, with my window down.
"You are so ugly."
(He was, and not in a feel-sorry-for-his-hideousness genetic way, but in a too-much-meth-has-left-him-toothless way)
Then he was looking at me and I'm pretty sure he called me a bitch. I don't know for positive because he was muttering, but he did break a beer bottle on the sidewalk, and it was 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
"I don't understand why he's calling me a bitch. I didn't run him over, I let him cross the street, WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU ASSHOLE?"
"Jennifer, you just looked him dead in the eyes and told him he was ugly. That MIGHT be a factor."
"Oh. Yeah. That. Well he IS."
"I didn't say he wasn't ugly, I just said that he had grounds to call you a bitch. I'm also saying that he can totally kick your ass. Drive."