16 November 2008

NaBloPoMo: Blushing Pink

I went into Sephora on Friday with the intention of buying blush. I don't normally wear blush, but I also don't normally have cheekbones, so I thought I would step up my game a little bit, y'know? It turns out the longer I sit around not having sex, the prettier I try to be. Did you know that I've started working out again? And now I actually run a comb through my hair before I walk out the door. Because if I'm going to be a frigid, sexless old spinster, dammit I'm going to be a hot one.
Motherfucker.

Besides it's not like I'm part of the anti-blush police or something; it's just that I don't know what I'm doing with it and I don't want to end up looking like an 80-year-old stripper. My mom doesn't wear makeup, so I was lacking some critical beauty guidance growing up, which makes me overly self-conscious when I try something new. When I make the plunge, I try to do it whilst being bossed by an expert.

I've always had pretty good luck with Sephora employees helping me be less ugly look more glamorous. When oral surgery left me with two black eyes last summer it was Sephora-Boy who guided me to the proper products and techniques to make them disappear (check out this photo! I secretly have black eyes! You cannot tell!!). When I came to the conclusion that not having any eyebrows at all probably wasn't working in my favor, it was Sephora-Chick who helped me find something that was easy to do and not freaky-looking.

I was pretty sure that if I walked into the store, found an employee, and said ExcusemeI'mlookingforblushandIdon'tknowwhatI'mdoingbecauseIdon'twearblushCanyouhelp? that someone would willing do so.

Wrong.

The first two people I asked ignored me completely. Really. Completely. The third one had questions.
If you don't normally wear blush, why do you want it now?
I don't know.
What kind do you want?
I don't know.
Well what is it for?
I don't know.
Then why do you want it?
I DON'T KNOW.

I ended up finally getting help by saying that I was a bridesmaid and had to wear blush in the wedding, but was looking for something subtle that I could keep using afterwords if I wanted to. Do not ask me why this lie popped into my head because I hadn't been thinking about it before hand. It worked though. She lit right up like a spark and embarked on a mission. A blush finding plus tutorial mission. But for future reference Sephora-Hive, I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO LIE ABOUT MY SOCIAL LIFE TO WEAR MAKEUP. Just sayin'.

Because my face is sort of like Red Delicious Apple in both shape and color, we she ended up doing a bronzer instead, since, really, I don't need to be any pinker than I already am.

And now I have blush.

Aha.

9 comments:

  1. Ah... glamour. My field.

    You need to go to a department store - like an estee lauder counter or something - and they will do a free makeover on you. They usually will ask if you wear heavy make up or not and do something according to how you answer that question. Also they expect you to be make up free when you come in to give them a canvas to work on! They really appreciate you buying something of course so you could just buy one product, blush for example! If they try to pressure you into any other purchase (which they will because they are commission based) then tell them you want to walk around and see what you look like outside for example. That is always the best answer to get you away without a big purchase!

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  2. Well, let's see!

    I love love love MAC....and they live for helping you (like, seriously almost too helpful)..if you can get one. It's usually super busy. The Studio-Fix is A-MA-ZING. Love it. Foundation and powder in one....makes it look flawless.

    Also Benefit. I'm addicted. Use the Lemon-Aid and your red-purple-blue morning eyes (speaking from experience) disappear. The Erase-paste is good enought to hide pretty much anything. Dr. Feelgood is a little balm that takes away shiny areas.

    Uhhh, I'm coming across as a bit of a freak now so I'll leave it at that.

    Oh, and the Dear John face cream. That's good too.

    Stopping. Now.

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  3. I'm not sure how I feel about any blog where you in any way refer to yourself as ugly, spinster-bound, or anything else particularly negative :P

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  4. I miss the very knowledgeable, super helpful Sephora people in New York.

    In SF, it is very hit or miss -- though my last foray was a success, so I guess I will try them again -- but I will wait til I have real job again and can actually afford it!

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  5. You crack me up. I get a big blush FAIL too but the lovely ladies at Sephora told me to try Orgasm by NARS and I put it on the apples of my cheeks and it seems to work. Still no sex though.

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  6. So I don't wear makeup, so I can't relate. But I am proud that you found a believable lie. Even thought you are right you shouldn't HAVE to lie to get decent help!

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  7. I hate those Sephora bitches. One time I went in there to ask a question about mineral powder foundation. And the stupid employee's response was, "Well, it's not rocket science."

    So I gave her a little cunt punt....in my mind.

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  8. I find blush confusing, too. I fake-smile at myself and put some on the scrunches, but I see so many people wearing blush Obviously Wrong, I worry that mine is also Obviously Wrong and I just don't know it any more than they do.

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  9. You're right, you shouldn't have to lie to get a slaesperson to help you. I mean, isn't that their job?

    Anyhoo, great ad lib with the bridesmaid thing.

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I live for validation.