08 October 2008

Boys. Sigh. UPDATED

I've been meaning to write this post, pretty much since I DECIDED to move here, and still lived in Chico. It was one of the first minuses I thought of when I was listing potential problems with relocating. Then Julia pretty much wrote it for me: There are NO cute boys here. Mainly it's that they're mostly dicks, and being a soulless asshat eliminates all cuteness that you may ever have had. I'm never going to date someone who doesn't at the very least think that I'm really fucking awesome.

I have a reasonably broad definition of cute, which can be captured in attitude, looks or personality.


Which makes being single here really...not...fun...

But. The cute boy (or three?) that I hit in the face with my purse? You have to read Julia's post (yeah I linked to the same thing twice in one post? So what? Shut it) to hear about that, I'm still too embarrassed. Okay well this cute boy sat next to me on the bus and when I stood up to leave I smacked him really hard in the face. With my giant green purse. And I think I've seen him more than once.
I guess you don't HAVE to read her telling of it after all, but it's fair to point out that I don't remember telling anyone about it, because Jennifer + Cold Medicine = Trance-like High. Anyways. I THINK he rode his bike past me when I was at the bus stop on Monday. None of these times have I been wearing my glasses, so while I wouldn't put money on the fact that there aren't four potentially similarish cute guys in this city, I'm just pretty sure it's just one guy who I've seen multiple times.

Also. Where do you meet boys anyways? While I met Gabriel's dad in the men's room, I don't think that's a highly recommended rendezvous. And I think we can all agree that may not have been the healthiest relationship that ever was. Bars are gross. Work is a lifeless desert of nothingness. I have a whole lot of married or practically married friends.

I'm too young and cute to have to go this long without having sex. I'm just saying.

I would fuck me. Oh wait. I do.

Update: Um, yeah, I'm not desperate or unhappy, or anything, I'm just bored with the boy prospects here, and sorta tired of masturbating in the shower. I felt like I had to step in and defend myself from the Alanis accusations, because I'm not on the brink of being a middle aged woman embittered with the state of All Things Men.


  1. Boys will be boys...imature. Maybe hot men instead of cute boys? You might just have to leave the county and bring one back.

  2. Yeah, well, I mean men I suppose. I just never got out of the habit of calling them all boys.

  3. I have to say that pretty much everyone I know who is in a committed relationship and the same age as me, pretty much met their significant other through 1) a bar or party or something revolving around alcohol 2)through an online dating community or 3)through friends. This is not including the people that met in school. Because I don't think you're out there looking for a 20 year old who likes you because you have a valid ID. So either bully your friends into setting you up, or take comfort in the fact that I'm going to a wedding in April for people that met over Match.com, a friend of my lost her v-card thanks to JDate, and I'm going to another wedding in August that was caused by friendster?

  4. I know the feeling. And mensroom? what a way to start!

  5. I would just continue to fuck yourself. Men are rarely worth it....agree? I mean, even if you think about the "one who got away" (everyone has one)... he is away for a REASON. Probably sucked.

    There are enough toys and stuff out there that unless you want another child or headache or a mess like I'm in, you could render men useless. Keep all the power to yourself.

    No one can make you happy but yourself. Sooooo until Mr. I Can't See Straight Without You knocks on your door... I'd ignore the hell out of all of them. Cute or not. But I am a bit jaded....

  6. I feel like I walked into an Alanis Morrisette concert here...

    I think you'll only find what you're looking for when you stop looking for what you want to find.

    Wow...all of a sudden I feel like Yoda or some shit. But seriously, just keep your eyes open and it'll happen. And if it doesn't, then just amuse yourself (and all of your readers) with online dating!

  7. Not to be all "bro's before ho's" on you, but I agree with Daddy Files.

    Things will happen that are supposed to happen, when they are meant to happen. Maybe take an art class at a community college or wherever else they have such things. But make sure whatever you do, you're there for yourself as much as meeting someone.

  8. Dude you are totally screw-able. You'll find the right guy, even if you have to transplant him closer to where you live.

  9. Oh sistergirlfriend, welcome to my life and i'm older than you. i don't bother anymore and look a'me! gettin nekkid with hot ben and hot bartenders. your too shall come. er, cum. whatever ...

  10. Cute boys are definitely in high demand. I am feeling for ya girl. You need to get yourself a smaller handbag if you are going around hitting people in the face with it; that's just downright dangerous : )

  11. What does your mom say? Besides it's not always about sex. Someone at work was talking about fling.com. Maybe that's what you need. And some birth control that's not a condom.

  12. At least you picked a good place to do it. The shower, I mean.

  13. I agree with the online dating thing. My sister in law met her hubby online and they have been married for 6 years and really happy together. There are all kinds of places online to find dates, including myspace and Craigslist. And if you don't meet anyone good on CL, at least there are penis pics to laugh..I mean LOOk at.

    Also I read that the hardware store is a great place to pick up guys. Friday night or Saturday morning, you go in and look around for something you need and if you see a cute guy, ask him to help you find it. One time I went in with a friend and had two hunky guys pushing a flatbed stop and give us great advice. Neither of us were looking but they would've been great prospects. ;)

  14. you definitely have the right idea: don't go out with anyone that doesn't think you're fucking awesome.

  15. I wouldn't worry too much....as long as you keep a supply of batteries...the guy will come along eventually

  16. I'd fuck you, too.

  17. Oh dear. You've been introduced to California boys.

    They've scarred me so much I actually went to psychology grad school to be a therapist (THAT'S an even more scarring story). Okay that's not why I went, but you get the picture.

    There is an extreme commitment phobia going on out here, combined with an utter wussiness and unreliability. sigh indeed. My advice is to wait it out until you can leave the area and date real men.

    Nice to meet you through BlogHer!