06 August 2008

The inner workings of my tiny mind

I guess not surprisingly, my emotional explosion via the blog was ill-received by the other side of my parenting conversation.  Except that I actually am surprised.  I laid out all of the thoughts that I wrote here during the course of the actual, real-time conversation, instead of doing what I normally do, which is say those things in my head, and say something pleasing and peaceful out loud.  
So I was surprised that he didn't know how I felt already.  Because if I hadn't felt like I had already had the conversation with him, I never would have written about my feelings here.  I did that only because I felt that it had already been said in person.  I was also surprised that he thinks I'm mad at him.  I'm not.  At no point have I been angry at him about this.  
It's just that our conversation got me thinking, and I realized that HOLY GOD I have some strong feelings on the subject of my perfectly joyful most beautiful part of my whole life, and I've learned through many years of self-suppression that when I have really strong feelings about something, the best thing for me personally to do is write about them (hence, my blog, ta dah!).  With most things/events/feelings/thoughts/etc., the simple act of writing down how I feel allows me to let it go and move on, and that's really important to me.  Because if I don't let it go and move on, I turn into a very scary obsessive person obsessively obsessing over my obsession.  
So.  Sorry!  But.  Not really I guess, because I wouldn't have done it differently if I had it to do over, and I guess apologizing has to do with regret.

3 comments:

  1. Good for your for speaking your mind, even if it came back to you in a way that you weren't expecting.

    I'm still learning how to do that.

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  2. Good for you speaking up and being honest. It's tough to do. I'm always bad about saying how I feel at the correct time. I need to take your lead.

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  3. If you can't say how you feel on your blog... then what would be the point of blogging?!

    I echo the two previous comments -- say how you feel and like you mean it.

    :)

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I live for validation.