06 August 2008

The inner workings of my tiny mind

I guess not surprisingly, my emotional explosion via the blog was ill-received by the other side of my parenting conversation.  Except that I actually am surprised.  I laid out all of the thoughts that I wrote here during the course of the actual, real-time conversation, instead of doing what I normally do, which is say those things in my head, and say something pleasing and peaceful out loud.  
So I was surprised that he didn't know how I felt already.  Because if I hadn't felt like I had already had the conversation with him, I never would have written about my feelings here.  I did that only because I felt that it had already been said in person.  I was also surprised that he thinks I'm mad at him.  I'm not.  At no point have I been angry at him about this.  
It's just that our conversation got me thinking, and I realized that HOLY GOD I have some strong feelings on the subject of my perfectly joyful most beautiful part of my whole life, and I've learned through many years of self-suppression that when I have really strong feelings about something, the best thing for me personally to do is write about them (hence, my blog, ta dah!).  With most things/events/feelings/thoughts/etc., the simple act of writing down how I feel allows me to let it go and move on, and that's really important to me.  Because if I don't let it go and move on, I turn into a very scary obsessive person obsessively obsessing over my obsession.  
So.  Sorry!  But.  Not really I guess, because I wouldn't have done it differently if I had it to do over, and I guess apologizing has to do with regret.


  1. Good for your for speaking your mind, even if it came back to you in a way that you weren't expecting.

    I'm still learning how to do that.

  2. Good for you speaking up and being honest. It's tough to do. I'm always bad about saying how I feel at the correct time. I need to take your lead.

  3. If you can't say how you feel on your blog... then what would be the point of blogging?!

    I echo the two previous comments -- say how you feel and like you mean it.