14 August 2008

I had a chance to shine, and I didn't

My nephew Simon turned 5 on Tuesday, and we had a party at my parents' house, specifically in the Grape Arbor. This is the general location for birthday parties and bbq's, as it's shaded, poison oak-less, and has a picnic table. A select few My sister's 200 wedding guests may also remember it as the site where I tore all of the ligaments in both of my ankles....because I jumped off the 12' high roof. I was high in so many ways, if you know what I'm saying.
My family throws a good party, mainly because we've been brought up to believe that any party you have will be a success if you feed your guests good food and get them liquored up. This is true. Tipsy people with pleasantly full bellies don't give a shit about the decorations.
Because Simon is five, and because we only allow our 5-year-olds to drink on the weekends, this party was a little more kid-themed, and had a pinata (I cannot get a tilde over that n to save my life, I tried). Simon's wholesome and well-brought-up, so he got the cactus pinata instead of the Spongebob one. Simon's 5, and we're normal people, so we filled that cactus with no less than 5 lbs of candy. Laura thought of all of the food, but none of the things you need to eat food, like forks or plates or cups or napkins, so we were working with what we had. Which means that the kids gathered their candy in Budweiser cups that were so old the edges had started to yellow.
Since Tuesday, I've been systematically thinning Gabey's candy supply, but he's cleverish, so I couldn't just get rid of all of it and feign ignorance, I have to make him BELIEVE that none of his candy is missing. Yeah yeah, I could just deal with the tantrum, but I don't have that kind of sanity.
This morning I had to take Gabriel to the doctor. Even though he's had a hypothetical pediatrician since we moved here (in the sense that I called and made sure he was taking patients) Gabriel hasn't actually been to see him yet, so this was our first visit. My moment to shine. Gabe's new doctor was my pediatrician, and he currently sees my nephews, brothers and cousins, so he knows our family. The first part of the visit went great. Gabriel was in a super good, yet inquisitive mood, which is basically the cutest thing possible, because he asks all these questions and has seems all advanced-like. Plus our doctor told me he was a genius. And even though I disagree, that's nice to hear. I mean, he's smart, because his parents are reasonably smart, but I don't think he's a genius, and even if I did, I would never want him to think he was a genius, because that just sounds like a really good way to ruin a childhood. Anyway my child's obvious genius led the doctor to point out that I should be extra-vigilant, because his natural brilliance and curiosity can lead to a lot of accidents. Gabriel is actually a really cautious child, and he almost never gets banged up. It's Elliot who you might find poised to ride a trike off the roof. That hasn't happened yet, but if it does, I don't think any of us will be surprised.
So I'm telling the doctor that, while certainly Gabe IS two, and necessitates watching, he's not (w?)reckless, and then I was getting a nice little lecture about how you can never be too careful, adn I'm responding by pointing out that I pay very close attention to Gabriel, that's not the point, and then Gabriel sits straight up and says, "Mom, I want my candy."
Me: You don't have any candy.
Gabriel: Yes I do. It's in my pocket. *Pulls a whole handful of Simon's birthday-pinata candy out of his pocket.*
Doctor: I thought you said he didn't eat candy? And this laughy taffy is a choking hazard.

Well. Shit.


  1. At least he told you he had it before he tried to eat it. LOL

  2. That Laughy Taffy is a choking hazard! Maya choked on it on the way home. I had to pull over to help her, then she barfed all over her car seat.