25 August 2008

How to ruin a day in 15 easy steps

1. When you're dropping your son off at daycare, you notice that your clutch is acting a little wonky. You wonder if you willed this into being by your clutch paranoia, brought about by the time you were stranded in Salinas for 2 hours, and then had to ride from Salinas to Watsonville in the cab of a tow truck.
2. Work for 8 hours. There are typical work grievances, with none of the cheerful bits. Have one of your coworkers introduce you to the new girl (to whom your position is superior) as "the store secretary." Then have that same coworker drop her filing on your desk for "when you get a minute." Note that with the exception of seniority, you are at the same level as your coworker.
3. Drive to pick your son up at daycare. Decide that your clutch is definitely going out.
4. At daycare, your provider will casually mention something that's happening next week. You remind her that this week is Gabriel's last week, as he is starting preschool on the 2nd. Have her tell you that you never gave notice, EVEN THOUGH YOU DID. You don't have time to deal with it right now, so just leave with a heavy weight in your chest over the mechanics of proving that you gave her notice. Agonize over the fact that you cannot afford to double pay daycares for four weeks.
5. Knowing that your car is sucking your will to live, recognize the fact that you haven't been to the grocery store for 3-4 weeks, so stop at Trader Joe's on the way home.
6. The entire time you're at the store, wonder if you'll be able to drive home. It helps if at this point your cell phone mysteriously loses all reception, thus eliminating any and all backup plans. Don't buy a bunch of the stuff that you really need, because you're afraid you'll have to take the bus home and won't be able to carry it all.
7. Drive home with no clutch whatsoever. This is a really educational driving experience, particularly as you can't really stop the car. At all.
8. Get home and agonize for awhile. Call work and tell them you MIGHT be late to work tomorrow. Or not. Agonize some more.
9. Start a load of wash. Bang the back of your head on the dryer. Really hard.
10. Set your son up with a movie and a snack so you can take a bubble bath with a glass of wine. Bring the whole bottle.
11. Halfway through your wine botte bath, lift up your arm, and see two ants on it. You are taking a bath, naked and drunk, with ants.
12. Now's a good time to freak right the fuck out.
13. Turn your bath into a shower.
14. On account of the wine, mix up your facewash and your body wash.
15. When you're all done, it's nice if you can't find your hairbrush, and also if your son pulled all of his clothes out of his dresser looking for a shirt that he left at his dad's house last weekend.

Still time for my CD Exchange! Let me know!


  1. Aww that sounds like a sucky day. I'm sorry. :(

  2. Very sucky.

    I hate car troubles...And I hate when I know that I've done something and someone tries to tell me I haven't.

    Here's hoping that tomorrow is much better!

  3. At least you didn't step in gum or dogshit. That would have made it worse.

  4. Uuuugh, when I was uber drained last week I put my Cetaphil face wash in my hair. Neat