12 March 2008

This will be crazy long to compensate

Okay. Okay. OH. KAY.

Starting with the fact that I decided to move back to my home twon, my life has gotten....um....complicated. I've had several people call to make sure I'm still alive on account of me sucking at life and not updating, well, at all. I have good reasons though. VERY good reasons. Like being lazy. And slacking off. And drinking too much. And avoiding humanity.

Well the weekend of February 21st I went to Philadelphia, and I'm pretty sure I mentioned that. However, I don't think I included either one of these photographs:

Moving on. Saturday March 1st was my "going away party." Quotes are necessary. I stayed up all night, ended up walking home at 8am, and had to harshly reject the dry humping of my leg. That was a verbal request. "Can I just dry hump you for a little bit?" No. No you may not. This is what Saturday looked like:

Last week was the week of graduation. Which means that I had a lotta lotta work to do. Plus I was supposed to be doing this "packing" and "moving" thing. To make matters worse, I spent Sunday, Monday and Tuesday knocked on my ass with a fever. I was not hungover. However, I can neither confirm nor deny that my activities of Saturday night may have POSSIBLY had a direct effect on my immune system, thereby rendering me susceptible to looking like I slept in my car. So I didn't get much done, and I didn't even feel bad about it.

Tuesday my coworker S came out to CA to help me. Wednesday we took Gabriel to Sierra Nevada. Big success. Since Gabriel's yknow, really well behaved and NEVER runs top speed screaming through the legs of waitresses. My son? No. Never. Riiiiiight.

Thursday I went out with S. Somewhere between finishing an entire bottle of vodka before leaving the hotel room, suggesting a tattoo parlor as a good place to go at midnight, witnessing S get her tattoo on her wrist....naked, spilling fry sauce all over the car, going in the hot tub, and crawling into bed at round about 4:30am, Friday was AMAZING.

Still completely drunk when we woke up at 6am, we got to work promptly at 7. One of the instructors came up to give me a hug. "Here Jennifer, have a piece of gum. Or four." At some point large rations of cookies, water and coffee made the room stop spinning. I made S MC the majority of the graduation, although I still participated. Somewhat. After graduation, we went to a classy Oroville restaurant with a couple instructors. And S found pubic hair baked into the bread of her sandwich. Then we met up with a bunch of students (I mean ALUMNI) at "Club My Place," which is (a) in Oroville, and (b) really, really, REALLY classy. You can tell because it has the word Club worked into the title. And because I kept calling it Club MySpace. I was still drunk. Then I got drunker. Then I went to Chico. Various.....things happened. Some of them horrifying. My faith in marriage has been disturbed. My eyes have been violated by orgy footage. THINGS HAPPENED. BAD, STRANGE, WHY DID THESE THINGS HAVE TO HAPPEN THINGS. Thankfully, no pictures seem to exist, and none of them happened to me.

So Saturday I drove to Santa Cruz, ostensibly to take a load of stuff to my mom's. Also because I knew that I could sleep for 14 unadulterated hours at my mom's house. And that if I was in Santa Cruz, I wouldn't go out.

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