31 March 2008

I just can't wait for that legal insurance

Saturday I had a lot of fun.  The end.

Sunday morning K was supposed to drop Gabey off at Stella's house at 11.  He called me at 9 to tell me that Stella wasn't answering her phone.

-Well you aren't supposed to drop him off until 11, so she could very well be asleep.  Or not at home.

I called Stella, she was at the park.  I called K, and told him that she was at the park.  He brought Gabey to the park.  And then decided that he didn't want to leave Gabe with Stella, and took him away from the park again (K has sort of a complex about Stella being a bad parent, and let me assure as someone who regularly interacts with her and with her with her child and with her being a mother that she is not and that I completely trust her with my son and would not otherwise entrust him in her care and I know this is a run on sentence and that perhaps you would enjoy a comma or a semicolon or SOMETHING but deal with it okay?).  I hadn't been planning on getting to Gabriel (at Stella's, where I had important stuff like my bike to attach to my car) until 1230 or so, and I was, um....in Sacramento, so it's not like I could get there any earlier.  But I drove back up to Chico, and I still had to go to Stella's to get my stuff, and go to the bank because I still am using a local Chico bank because I haven't had time or the inclination to switch, and then I didn't actually get to Gabriel and K at the 20th St Park meeting locale (AKA The Total Nightmare of Trying to Park Anywhere In or Around that Park on Kite Day) until 130ish.  And K didn't give me any $$, even though he owes me $$$$$$$$$$ and it would be nice to even have $ for the sake of supporting his child, because he "Didn't have time since he'd had Gabe all day."  But you opted to keep him all morning/afternoon as OPPOSED TO LEAVING HIM WITH A PRE-DETERMINED SITTER.

Headaches, I tell you what.

BUT.  Gabriel had a really good time with his dad and was really needing to see his dad.  

29 March 2008


I had yesterday off, which was loverly. I still got up early, and got my oil changed and such. Took Gabey to the park and out to eat, and then headed on up to Chico. I got my bike, and a package from UPS, and Gabe got to play with Leila and Leo and see his dad, which are all important things.

When K came over to Stella's last night to pick up Gabey, he was just in a diaper, and I was on the phone with Molly, who p.s. is getting married in a week and is one of my best friends on the planet. He stood there demanding that I get Gabriel dressed instead of getting him dressed himself. And then Kierstie, Stella's 15-year-old niece, started to get Gabe dressed. Seriously? What the fuck....
Then he stood there looking lame and unhappy for a little while more until I, while on the phone with my friend IN PHILADELPHIA, got Gabriel dressed. What the fuck...

Stella and I went out last night. The going out was fun, even though it was the bear. The after going out was somewhat entertaining, but entirely strange. First we spent about an hour on a street corner with about 12 19-year-olds. Then a man named Purple Crow gave me an orange. Then we got a ride to Stella's car, which was so totally not at her house. Then I stole a sweatshirt from a boy named Ivory whose marrying me as soon as we get the licenses together. Because every time I've seen him he's given me sweatshirts and glasses of water and such. And apparently I'm easy to please. Then we decided that was lame, and I actually think that house has way too many bitchy girls who are under the mistaken impression that I want to fuck their men when (a) I most certainly do not, and (b) they ain't their men. Back at Stella's house Stella went to her neighbor's and I went to bed. This was round about 3. Then at 6:15 the Sheriff paid us a visit and harassed Stella's sleeping, 15-year-old niece for a few minutes, until it was explained to him for the 8th time that we had all been asleep, and that none of us had been outside, and that Kierstie is 15, so that means she does NOT have a driver's license.

And here I am at today. What joy.

27 March 2008

The Baby Whisperer

Gabriel is enrolled in tap dancing.

Gabriel's daycare provider mystifies me.  She has, at any given time, up to 5 2-year-olds, a 1-year-old, and a six month old baby.  Today she took four of those 2-year-olds and the 1-year-old to see Horton Hears a Who.  By herself.  And they were good.  They sat through the movie.  They enjoyed it.  They behaved.  I believe this.  Because I have been to her house, and I have seen the rowdy toddlers completely in line - very happy, but coexisting peacefully with one another, not shouting "no" or "mine."  Playing, well-behaved.  

My sister and I go over this regularly.  Our kids don't act like they're drugged.  They love it there, and are always happy to see her, and toddlers don't exactly hide their feelings well.  

But someone please explain to me what it means when she says that they have tap dancing on Tuesdays, and not to worry because she has tap shoes for all of the kids.  And what does it mean when she says that they join a summer bowling league?  And that they all do swim lessons together?  And that they go out to lunch?  And that they run errands, to the bank, to COSTCO?!?!?  That she's going to potty train all of them this summer, provided their parents agree to go along with it at home?

I can barely handle one two-year-old.  Let alone five tap dancing two-year-olds.

20 March 2008

If they’re less frequent, maybe I can make them more brilliant?

Unlikely, at best...

My first week at the new job has been so far entirely positive.  And my eyes have so far not been raped by horrifying sex scandals.  Although, my first week at my last job was likewise entirely positive and free of orgies, so I suppose that only time will tell.

Gabey's been having sort of a hard week.  He was sick last weekend, and he's been pretty out of sorts ever since.  I don't suppose the moving and the changing daycares and oh by the way flipping his world completely upside down has really helped him out all that much.

My commute....sucks balls.  It takes me an hour and a half to get home in the evening (including the time it takes to pick up Gabriel).  Of course, my long term goal is to live actually IN town or at least significantly closer.  FYI, my parents live in the sticks, up in the mountains, where it takes 30 minutes to get ANYWHERE AT ALL, that's never mind the time it takes and the traffic associated with my commute specifically, which is significant.

Gabers and I will be in Chico (and me in Sacramento maybe) next weekend.  I imagine that Gabe's incredibly reliable father figure will want to see his son, so I'm planning on going out in Chico on Friday night, if you care to hang out with me.  Also, I'll be there for a lot of the day Friday, cuz I have the day off work, just in case you or your small child is desperately missing my desperately adorable son.  

18 March 2008

In Santa Cruz and the internet sucks balls

Last day of work: Wednesday.
Drove to Santa Cruz: Wednesday.
Car stereo broke: Wednesday
Drove back with Mom and James and Gabriel: Saturday.
Did Gabriel have the stomach flu? Yes. Yes he did.
Did my mom drop a couch on my foot? Why yes she did.
Did the Arc refuse to take my fairly nice couch, while gladly taking my piece of crap table? Indeed.
My mom drove the puking, shitting child back to Santa Cruz with the U-Haul, while James and I stayed on to clean.
What time did James and I get home? Oh 3am.
Was my car stereo still broken? I believe it was.

But so far, my new job looks good. When I find time to breathe again, I'll be sure to let you know.

12 March 2008

This will be crazy long to compensate

Okay. Okay. OH. KAY.

Starting with the fact that I decided to move back to my home twon, my life has gotten....um....complicated. I've had several people call to make sure I'm still alive on account of me sucking at life and not updating, well, at all. I have good reasons though. VERY good reasons. Like being lazy. And slacking off. And drinking too much. And avoiding humanity.

Well the weekend of February 21st I went to Philadelphia, and I'm pretty sure I mentioned that. However, I don't think I included either one of these photographs:

Moving on. Saturday March 1st was my "going away party." Quotes are necessary. I stayed up all night, ended up walking home at 8am, and had to harshly reject the dry humping of my leg. That was a verbal request. "Can I just dry hump you for a little bit?" No. No you may not. This is what Saturday looked like:

Last week was the week of graduation. Which means that I had a lotta lotta work to do. Plus I was supposed to be doing this "packing" and "moving" thing. To make matters worse, I spent Sunday, Monday and Tuesday knocked on my ass with a fever. I was not hungover. However, I can neither confirm nor deny that my activities of Saturday night may have POSSIBLY had a direct effect on my immune system, thereby rendering me susceptible to looking like I slept in my car. So I didn't get much done, and I didn't even feel bad about it.

Tuesday my coworker S came out to CA to help me. Wednesday we took Gabriel to Sierra Nevada. Big success. Since Gabriel's yknow, really well behaved and NEVER runs top speed screaming through the legs of waitresses. My son? No. Never. Riiiiiight.

Thursday I went out with S. Somewhere between finishing an entire bottle of vodka before leaving the hotel room, suggesting a tattoo parlor as a good place to go at midnight, witnessing S get her tattoo on her wrist....naked, spilling fry sauce all over the car, going in the hot tub, and crawling into bed at round about 4:30am, Friday was AMAZING.

Still completely drunk when we woke up at 6am, we got to work promptly at 7. One of the instructors came up to give me a hug. "Here Jennifer, have a piece of gum. Or four." At some point large rations of cookies, water and coffee made the room stop spinning. I made S MC the majority of the graduation, although I still participated. Somewhat. After graduation, we went to a classy Oroville restaurant with a couple instructors. And S found pubic hair baked into the bread of her sandwich. Then we met up with a bunch of students (I mean ALUMNI) at "Club My Place," which is (a) in Oroville, and (b) really, really, REALLY classy. You can tell because it has the word Club worked into the title. And because I kept calling it Club MySpace. I was still drunk. Then I got drunker. Then I went to Chico. Various.....things happened. Some of them horrifying. My faith in marriage has been disturbed. My eyes have been violated by orgy footage. THINGS HAPPENED. BAD, STRANGE, WHY DID THESE THINGS HAVE TO HAPPEN THINGS. Thankfully, no pictures seem to exist, and none of them happened to me.

So Saturday I drove to Santa Cruz, ostensibly to take a load of stuff to my mom's. Also because I knew that I could sleep for 14 unadulterated hours at my mom's house. And that if I was in Santa Cruz, I wouldn't go out.

10 March 2008