Text Messages, first installment

Before I delete these, I'll share my favorites with you, gentle readers (reprinted exactly as they appear in my phone):

• Fuck me running I'm a midget magnet!!
• Where might one purchase sweater tights?
• Something murderous, or funny.
• I was in my class and my stomach was gurgling. I had to run to the toilet it was great!
• My depth perception is all off, I keep running into walls
• This squirrel is hurting my soul
• I cant help it at 3am i remember im in love with you. Dont you want me to tell you about it?
  
• So I told him I posted the pix and he got pissed. But then he tried on another, tighter, pair. Mixed messages?
• I heard one of them refer to me as the scariest person in class and then 4 people were all 'who? Molly?' not sure why.
• That is unbelievable. God hath smote you.... because you havent suffered enough this year?
• Holy home sex event. I am keeping this an option! And he is fun to be around. Yay!
• Virgo - Work issues or school dramas are distracting you. Is this the wrong crowd for you?
• I never called you creative retarded maybe not creative
• Your souls not black. Gray maybe.
  
• I think you just shamed jesus
• Whatever that guys a total herpe and you dont deserve herpes
• I was in paradise this morning and i thought of you
• Wanted to respond w something zen but i'm too drunk still
• At least if i was high there would be no shame. I dont think i can live it down!
• Remember sex? I miss sex. Sex and I had a very loving relationship.