08 January 2008

Eating my way towards sanity

I'm glum, and at some point, everybody's glum, so I've learned that there are some things that just make me feel better. Some of them are healthy, some, much less so. When my life has descended into gloom, I turn to them to assuage the hurt. These are they:
  1. Exercise
  2. Sex
  3. Impossibly long, impossibly hot showers and/or baths
  4. Food
  5. Alcohol
  6. Sleep
I can't go to the gym anymore because K can't watch Gabe while I go to the gym anymore, and I can't put him in daycare for even LONGER periods of time just so I can sweat a little bit. He needs his mom, I need him. Even though he's not on the list, he is actually one of the things that makes me feel better. And the weather sucks, so I can't get outside with him to be active right now.
My life just isn't set up for regular and emotionally healthy sex right now. Sporadic at best. I'm more or less okay with that, I'm just saying that it's not particularly an option for making me feel like my head's not about to fall off.
The thing about showers/baths is that when your two-year-old routinely insists on getting in the shower WITH you, they are much, much less relaxing.
Food. Delicious food. Instead of going to the gym or having some "adult" time or maintaining a basic level of hygiene I have been pleasuring myself with food. Mainly guilt food (pizza, chocolate, ice cream, peanut butter).
Alcohol. While drinking does numb and fuzz things a bit, and even at home alone, that can be a relief, I'm a social creature, and drinking alone makes me more lonely, so I generally don't. And remember that bit about the babysitting and the Jenny's all alone in the world with no one on whom she can lean? Yeah, so, not so much.

So, if you can't yet tell, all of this descends into the fact that right now I'm eating myself a second (third?) chin, going to bed at 8 every night and barely dragging myself out again in the mornings. And on the weekends? Well that's what naps are for.

In case I haven't made myself clear, I am right now full of melancholy and tears and dissatisfaction and peanut butter filled pretzels dipped in chocolate.

Luckily, I'm an optimist. I figure things HAVE to get better eventually.

1 comment:

  1. I love you!! Things WILL get better. You are amazing.