30 June 2007

The Precise Feeling of the World Crashing Down About My Ears

I think all of the events from the past few months are catching up with me. K.dot's freaking out because the proposed child support judgement came through. I'm freaking out because my job does not pay my bills. As Jayme said, "I've crunched the numbers and they do NOT add up." And I need to fix my car as a part of my refinance. Which, okay. Sucks. I'm going to worry about that on Monday. In the mean time I'm going to focus on getting enough money into my account so that my rent check clears.

But. Gabriel has been amazingly adorable and sweet ALL week, I think to remind me that there are things in my life that I enjoy. Like when I'm crumpled facedown on the livingroom floor, staring into space, crying silently, and Gabriel comes up to me and pats my cheek and kisses my nose, it's like, oh yeah, this is why I'm doing this, and then I can sort of snap out of it. Or when I'm up to my elbows in dishes and trying to figure out if I have enough quarters to do my laundry, and Gabriel tugs on my pants to show me that he has pockets, that's pretty nice too.

26 June 2007

The latest



He has a bathrobe, and a winning smile:


Walking to Black Crow for dinner:


Curled up for a nap in the laundry basket:


Wearing his shorts on his head:

25 June 2007

Part Deux

Friday:
I hung out downtown and at the beach with my mom and nephews, I drove up to SF to hang out, and then down to Mountain View for more of the same, then I stayed up until around 5am, slept till 9ish Saturday morning, then had to take a nap before I headed back to Santa Cruz for my big Laura Adventure.

Here are the details:
I got up RIDICULOUSLY early, because I needed new brakes and tires and I didn't have an appointment at Lloyd's, so I was banking on my mom's blank check and my own stunning good looks. Both worked, and I left my car there to walk downtown, which involves walking past the labor line at San Lorenzo Lumber, which, if you are unfortunate enough to have a vagina, is one of the worst experiences ever. I walked downtown, my mom wasn't there yet, so I walked over to my dentist appointment (coincidentally next to the bar I would discover the following night). I got the grave verdict on the state of my teeth, then walked BACK downtown, and my mom was there, babysitting the wee ones. We did a little shopping, went to the bagelry, and then I went to pick up my car. From Lloyd's I went to the Aptos Library to check the internet. Because my mom didn't pay any bills at all for three months, and our phone and internet were disconnected. Because my mom is a winner. Wonder where I got it from? Anyhow, I had to go to the Aptos Library because I used to work at the Santa Cruz Library and did not exactly leave on great terms (pregnant and kicked out of my parents house, calling from a hotel in Chico) and I'm trying to wait until all of my bosses die before I go back there. The Aptos Library is still safe. Who is in front of the Aptos Library? My uncle Randy. But he refuses to look at me or make eye contact with me, so I go in and go about my business before heading to the beach, where I meet my mom, nephews, aunt, cousins, and brothers. Randy hasn't seen me in about 4 years, so they think he just didn't recognize me. Well excuse me but I haven't seen him in about 4 years and I was like, That's my uncle Randy. Whatever. I got sunburned and sandy and then drove to SF, where I hung out with.............JOSHUA! This was great fun and good times indeed, and it would have been a lot more fun I think if I had stuck around to get blitzed and crash on his couch, but I did something even better, I went down to Mountain View for Keiffy. Keith has a hot tub, and ducks, and we watched V for Vendetta, which is an awesome movie, and I stayed up entirely too late, and he took me to breakfast, and also for a danish, because, apparently, breakfast was just not enough.

So I had a good weekend, you?

Weekend Notes, Part I

These are the reasons why Sunday was a glorious day:

  1. It was a perfect and sunny 75 degrees in San Francisco.
  2. We were sitting six rows off the field, just to the first base side of home plate.
  3. The Giants. Actually. Won.
  4. We were playing the Yankees, so I got to see the Giants play a higher caliber team then when I usually go.
  5. The Giants. They won. The baseball game. And not by a miracle, by legitimately good baseball.
  6. I got home earlier than I expected.

24 June 2007

This Story is Dedicated to Molly

Because I will not have to preface or further explain a single aspect beyond what I'm about to write down.

So Saturday night I went out with my sister and Jenny Waite. We walked downtown, had margaritas at El Palomar, and then went to the Avenue. Adam Donoghue was there, and we all know how much Jenny loves Adam. So we left, but me and my sister really weren't done. We walked Jenny back to her car which was parked in front of my sister's house. No longer downtown, we decided to go across the street to the Jury Room. They were having a rockabilly band, which was good for the cute boys, but it's a really shitty place for music because it's small and crowded and way too loud, so we left, not really feeling it. We decided to walk farther down Ocean to Callahans (across from WaMu/next to Kragen on Water). We decided to go here because it was close and we had never been, but we knew before we got there that one potential problem was that we were in Fritz's neighborhood, and this was "his" bar.

We walk in.

Allow me to paint a picture. The whole establishment reeks of vomit. The people at the bar are as follows. Two goth girls playing seductively with a red and white striped snake. A very tall man with long, curly, blonde hair which he kept tossing over his shoulders. A group of biker dikes eating pizza, including one bantum weight lesbian only identifiable as such by her breasts, because I think she even had an adam's apple. Two tiny tiny Mexicans playing pool. Three bartenders--a man, a woman, and a slut. The slut was strange because she was actually dressed more conservatively than the other bartender, and was pretty and young, but she had crazed sex eyes and was doing uncomfortable looking dances. And, last but not least, Fritz.

So we order a drink to split (I have to drive home); a gin & tonic. Instead the slut gives us a grey goose and tonic, charges us $4, and gives us $6 change for our five dollar bill. We're drinking our drink, and discussing how one ends up at this bar, which is not exactly a destination bar, if you know what I mean, when Laura accidentally makes eye contact with Fritz, stumbling back from the bathroom. Contact made, we both wave and say "Hi Fritz." He stumbles over. It is instantly apparent that he is hitting on Laura, which is disturbing on many, many levels. Laura however, is in denial, and is choosing to believe that he recognizes her. This goes so far as when he asks "What are your names?" she repeats back "What our my son's names? Simon and Elliot." I say, "No Laura, he's asking our names, he doesn't know who we are."

Laura: We're Laura and Jenny Fritz! We're April's daughters.
Fritz: Who?
Laura: April's daughters. I'm Laura!
Fritz: Ho-ly shit. Did you know I was this close to picking up on you? Did you know I was going to take you home? I mean, you're really hot. Damn. I almost picked up on you! But you're so hot. I can't believe how beautiful you are. I can't believe I almost picked up on you. You're really hot. (To me) Do you know how hot your friend is? You have a really beautiful friend.
This goes on for a while, then he toddles back to his stool, we finish our drinks, and we leave.
Now let me make some points.
1. Even after Laura explicitely said who we were, Fritz still did not understand who I was. That us being sisters meant that I was also April's daughter, a person he had known since she was an infant.
2. Fritz seemed to think that Laura and I (or I guess Laura) was totally in his league. Like he could ever possibly hit on her and proceed to take her home.
3. Laura is praying that Fritz was so hammered (this is likely) that he won't remember, because they live in the same neighborhood, and she has to see him pretty regularly and say hi.
4. If Fritz did manage to bring somebody home, which I doubt, does he understand that he lives in a hole with my uncle Jonothan, and that my cousin Berry may be sleeping under some garbage in the living room, and that Fritz's son Cody shares a room with him?

22 June 2007

Taking time out of my minibreak to rant

Okay. I have to spend almost $4,000 on my gums, which really sort of sucks, although the periodontist is giving me valium, so there's one bonus. And really, my mom will probably be the one writing the check, so I shouldn't complain, I just would way rather spend $4,000 on about 1,000 other things.

I haven't had time for a lot of my friends lately on account of I'm working during the week and trying to find another job, and out of town most weekends, and when I'm not at work I really like to devote some time to Gabriel because I don't get to see him all the time now, and he's my baby, and that makes me sad. If you are one of my friends who actually lives in my complex, or if you are paying me to hang out with you (yes Darci I'm making fun of you) then I have the time, sometimes. I am still making an effort to call people back even if I can't hang out, etc., etc. If you have a problem with this, you suck, I'm annoyed, and you're making yourself into a problem where there was no problem before. I will have time to hang out again, I just need to settle. But right now I don't have time for anything unnecessary. I don't have time period. I especially don't have time for friends that I feel like I have to baby. One baby is enough.

All that said I'm having a really good time this weekend, I got my glasses fixed, I'm excited about going up to SF tonight and tomorrow, and I'm on my way to the beach. Also, I miss Gabriel. I'll be back Sunday night, but probably not available for anything at all until Monday or later.

18 June 2007

On Losing the Human Race

I don't think I'm being a snot when I say that I am a reasonably intelligent and reasonably good looking person without any secret daddy issues. I should not be a loser. And yet. As my sister prepares to start nursing school, and my brother gets ready to apply for medical school, I am getting ready to fill out my welfare paperwork. I realize that some of this is beyond my control. The 2007 economy sucks balls, especially for someone re-entering the workforce. Butte County sucks especially so. But I have to allow that A LOT of the problem lies in the fact that I am the laziest. person. alive. I literally lack the words to describe the complete and utter absence of ambition/motivation in my life. Yeah, I want to be successful, but only in the sense that I don't like owing people money and I want my kid(s?) to be able to go to college. As far as a career? I can honestly tell you that I would be perfectly delighted to stay home, raise my children, attend PTA meetings, and tend a garden. I like doing laundry. I wouldn't get bored. I didn't get bored, this last 16 months. And I blame feminism for the fact that I'm stuck looking like a jackass for not wanting to go back to work full time when my son is still in diapers. Now mind, I WANT other people to be able to work to their hearts' content. But shouldn't a family with one parent in the home be an option too? No. Because feminism, ladies and gentlemen, changed the societal status quo in such a way that the only way to get by in this day and age is with a two-income family, and since I'm doubly screwed by being a single mom, I'm left paying somebody else to raise my kids when I would much rather do it myself and do it right.
This is just one of the reasons that I was born in the WRONG era. For one thing, if I had been born anywhere in past several hundred years up until my generation, being pale and blonde and round was a feminine ideal of beauty. And for another thing, I don't want to go to the office for nine hours a day and wear a power suit. I don't even want to own a power suit.

In other news, Gabriel is using his potty sometimes. And considering the fact that he's only 17 months old, I think that sometimes is ABSOLUTELY GREAT. Especially since his main thing is pooping in the potty, and the fewer poopy diapers I have to deal with, the better.

This weekend is a Santa Cruz/SF/Bay Area weekend, and I'm pretty excited about seeing a few people I have not seen for a long. ass. time.

Slightly Stoopid Update

Friday Gabe and I went down to Davis because Duncan (finally) graduated, and he was having a big bbq. The boys to girls ratio in my family really is sort of freaky. There were probably 30 people there, and the only girls were myself, Rebecca (aunt), my mom, Laura, my cousin Shannon and Duncan's girlfriend Kate. Although some girlfriend people stopped by briefly, allow me to describe: One was wearing a Victoria's Secret baseball hat, and the other, who is a member of a premed sorority, had styled her sunglasses into her hair. They. Did not fit in.

I mostly spent this weekend hanging out with the babe. Stella was having a housewarming/momsandbabies pool party, but some guy and his two friends crashed it, so it ended up not being that cool. I probably would have no problem hanging out with these people and having a good time if I was out at the bars or something, but when my kid is around I am really not cool with weed smoking and thugged out men. So I had to cut out early.

Right now I'm doing Colin's laundry, because I getta do mine at his house and not pay to use our roach-infested laundry room, so I think it's a win-win situation!

And I cleaned my car out.

I know this post was kind of boring, but I'm feeling braindead and incapable this morning and just wanted to provide a quickie update.

15 June 2007

I am currently....

Listening to the other receptionist talk to our 60 year old male psychiatric nurse practitioner about her faulty ovaries, trying to conceive, her birth control, a history of precancerous cells on her cervix, and possible cramping.

13 June 2007

My weightloss goals

I want to be able to leap freely onto the backs of my tiny friends without breaking them. Secondarily, I want to look cute at Maile's wedding.

10 June 2007

Weekend Update

Since I spent Friday night vomiting up my internal organs, on Saturday I decided that the best possible course of action was, yes definitely, to go out with Stella, which hasn't once been a bad idea. Not even the time we were half naked in a hot tub and a Mexican dwarf called us gorditas.
Since this was one of those rare occasions that I actually had alcohol at my house, and since Angelica, Stella and I were hanging out before we actually went downtown, I was completely wasted by the time we got there, which in a way was good, because it saved me a lot of money, right?
But it didn't keep me from going to an after party hosted by some guy whose pupils were dilated to the size of dinner plates. And it didn't keep me from meeting a guy who introduced himself to me as "Watts." Like the Watts Riots? "Yeah, like that." Then I took out my grill so we could make out.

09 June 2007

All of the Reasons Why the Job Search Is Back On

  1. I have a very low tolerance for Born-Agains. I'm all for religious freedom, exploration, etc., but I'm not all for hearing about it all the time, sorry.
  2. My boss is trying to totally screw me pay-wise. He's trying to pay me as an independent contractor, making me responsible for all of my taxes etc. At $11/hour? No, thank you.
  3. The other girl who works there, who was hired two weeks after me and is not my boss thinks she's my boss, and I frankly cannot handle being bossed around by somebody who got a tattoo on her foot to honor the firefighters lost in 9/11. And is not in any way affiliated with firefighters.
  4. Because of where my desk is, I cannot use the internet while I'm at work. Everyone else is playing WoW, shopping at Old Navy, etc., but patients can see my computer. Which. Sucks. Balls.

08 June 2007

Hell in a hand basket

Yesterday, I spent at least 25% of my grueling five hour day in a "staff meeting." Believe me, the quotes are necessary. There are four people in our office. We sit around and eat for an hour. And I get paid. Is this a nice situation? Well it sure would be if I didn't work with fools.
I had to spend no less than an hour of my life listening to them talk about the specifics of how and when they had accepted Jesus into their lives. No joke. It was like I was at vacation bible school, and here I was, trying to figure out how to break it to them that no, I do not think that Jesus Christ is my personal lord and savior. In the end I just got up for a glass of water, and no, no I did not manage to turn it into wine to serve the masses. Dammit. I mean, gosh. I mean, jimminy cricket!

06 June 2007

caustic - adj. anorexic

So my brother James' English teacher sent the class home with a list of vocabulary words. Among the many and egregious errors made in the given definitions was this gem:

bigot - n., hypocrite

So my mom, sister and I read this, laugh a lot, make James actually look up the word, laugh some more, come up with some choice words for his young, inexperienced and apparently illiterate English teacher. James goes to class the next day for a public dressing down of his teacher. Her response?

"Well a bigot is usually a hypocrite."

And this woman is teaching our youth.