27 December 2007

So I guess God wants me to have a pink phone?

To recap with the saga of my cell phone:

Early October: Miss Grace is on the phone with her mom. She hears a funny crackling noise. She looks at her phone, the screen is blank, white. Then the screen goes black, and a tiny bit of smoke comes out the side, and the whole apartment smells like burning. Miss Grace loses all of her phone numbers, and doesn't feel very good about the amount of time this electronic device spent in frightening proximity to her brain. She calls Sprint, who she hates, to get a new phone, and does not wish to sign a new contract. They send her a RAZR knockoff courtesy of Sanyo, but will not send her the black one or the grey one. They tell her that if she wants her new phone in less than two weeks, then she has to get the pink one. Luckily, she is a girl.

Late October/Early November: Miss Grace gets her cell phone bill, for well over $400. This is a combination of a variety of gross errors on Sprint's part. Her phone bill, if she's being very generous to the Sprint demons, should perhaps be $110. After many hours on the phone as well as some inexplicable tears, she gets her bill down to $365, and she still feels like she is being raped, beaten, and left in the woods to die. She cannot cancel her contract with Sprint, because it would cost $400, plus the $400 they are trying to tell her she owes them. Then she realizes that if she just stops paying her bill, she won't have to pay to cancel her contract. She changes her contact info on Sprint's website, writes "Fuck You" across her statement, and sends it, along with her frighteningly pink cell phone and a check for $110, which, she figures, she DOES legitimately owe them. Is she in collections? Who knows? Miss Grace is willing to make one trip to collections for the evil cell phone gods, and frankly does not care. She gets a new phone through T-Mobile, who in the past has always treated her well. She chooses a tastefully blue phone.

Early November: Tasteful blue T-Mobile phone arrives. Miss Grace gathers all of her missing and errant phone numbers from across the globe, and figures that the few she is missing probably don't deserve to exist in the first place. Blue phone is defective. Blue phone randomly turns off and won't turn back on, regardless of battery charge. Blue phone will not send text messages. She calls. They send her new phone. AGAIN she has to get all of her phone numbers. She is beginning to think that maybe she should keep them somewhere besides her cell phone. Blue phone #2 is friendly and kind, and Miss Grace has found love again.

Late December: Gabriel is in the bathtub. He is adorable. Miss Grace takes a picture of him with her phone. Gabriel is apparently shocked and offended that his mother would dare to photograph him in such a compromising position. He yells at her, and swats the phone out of her hands, into the gaping mouth of the open toilet. Miss Grace shrieks like her soul just died, and quickly rescues Blue phone from its unplanned and ill advised swim. She takes Blue phone apart, lays it out to dry, and hopes for the best. Throughout the next two days she turns her phone on and hopes. Sometimes she thinks things are definitely going to be okay, like when Sheena calls her and she answers, and it works. Other times she realizes that no, not even ONE of her cell phone buttons works. Unfortunately it is Christmas, and people like to send her text messages on Christmas. She can't read any of them. She inspects her phone again. She realizes that the water damage indicator on Blue phone is completely unmarked. She calls. "My phone died over the weekend, and when I plugged it in and turned it back on, none of the buttons worked." She is told to select a new phone to replace her old phone. FOR REASONS THAT REMAIN A TOTAL MYSTERY TO MISS GRACE, she is told that she can have any phone but the one she currently owns (less cost difference, of course). Oh she likes her phone? Well she can have it, but only if she gets it in Rose. Um. Okay.

****

So God is making me get a pink phone for the second time in two months. I don't need quite everyone's phone numbers, because I've managed to save a lot of them over the past replacements. But I can't call you. Well I can, but I don't like using the long distance on my house phone, because I don't wish to pay for it, so I won't unless I need to (like if I think you might be dead because you haven't called me, for instance). And I do have an answering machine at home, but I turn it off at night because I don't like the flashing it does, and sometimes (okay usually) I forget to turn it on in the morning.

1 comment:

  1. Pink! Ugh...my KA mixer is pink...her name is Bessie...and I love her, but I cannot imagine being allowed to keep my feminist badge carrying around a pink phone.

    ReplyDelete

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