04 October 2007


Ages 1-5 months: I scream inconsolably every night from 6pm-10pm. I have colic.  I cry.

Age 2: I get the first of the two operations on my ears that bring me into the world of sound. My mom doesn't protect me from the nurse.  The nurse takes my temperature and prods me and undresses me.  I scream, I reach for my mom.  She is mending my magenta sheep dress.  She doesn't save me.  I cry.

Age 4: My first day of kindergarten, I walk into the room, and stand frozen in the entry way. A boy I already know is in my class, he comes up to me, takes my hand, and has me sit down next to him.  I try to be Very Brave, but I cry.

Age 10: I tell Adrienne how easy it would be to ditch school by crawling under the back fence, she says "Let's do it tomorrow. We'll meet before class" The next day I've completely forgotten. She finds me at first recess, and tells me that we still have to ditch because she didn't bring any of her books to school today. I agree, and we walk about two miles to her house. Adults are frightened and furious. Adrienne and I aren't friends anymore.  I cry.

Age 11: The sixth grade is playing a baseball game versus their parents. My dad hits a boy in my class, Mike in the back of the head with a baseball as he's running to third base. Mike then leads a campaign by the entire class to take the cupcakes my mom made for the event and throw them over the back fence. I cry.

Age 14: A couple of older guys that Jasmine and Nici know are coming to pick us up before school starts.  We're ditching. No one believes I'll come. I insist that I will.  I'm tired of being so impossibly good and boring.  I get in the car. As we're pulling around to leave the school, I tell the driver to stop the car, and I get out, and go to class. I wait till I get home, and I cry.

Age 17: I go to a party after one of our school plays. I drink WAY too much, I puke all over Alicia's bathroom. I don't get invited to any more parties.  I cry.

Age 24: I finish grad school and go on welfare.  I cry.

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