Since I'm losing my mind, it's occurred to me that I really can't ever have a nervous breakdown in Chico, because He Who Shall Not Be Named is the Director of Enloe Behavioral Health (so yeah, you can figure out where I work pretty easily, but what the fuck ever, I turned in my notice and I hate his money grubbing soul like burning). Anyhow, here we have the latest:
I got a new job, which is absolutely great. GREAT. I'm very, very excited. Not so excited about the 30-40 minute commute, but if I lived anywhere but here, that would be a given, so I shouldn't bitch. Yesterday my head almost exploded so I went to the mall with Stella for some retail therapy. Yes, I went shopping on credit when it's the last thing I need to do, but my brain was seriously hurting, I needed to do something for myself, I have no babysitter, and I had no one to have sex with at that precise moment. So believe me, it needed to happen. I got some things on ridonkulous super sale from Gottchalks (is that how it's spelled?) and I got the BEST BRA EVER from Victoria's Secret. It's called the full coverage lift bra, and it's seriously the best things my boobs have ever, ever seen. SO worth it when you find a good bra.
K still hasn't reappeared in the county, or at least not that I know of. I think he's really honestly planning on moving to New York. This sucks because I know he thinks this is what he has to do, and that it will ultimately be best for Gabriel, but I know this is the worst possible thing that he could ever, ever do for his son. Ever. And I've really been extending myself to help him as much as I feel like I can, which I think, considering that I'm his exgirlfriend and still often very angry with him, is a lot. Plus it brings up all sorts of life choice dilemmas for me. Since he decided to jump coasts at the precise moment that I got a good job, do I stay in Chico, with my good job and my apartment and my mom friends, or do I move back to the Santa Cruz area to live near my family and make my sister get me a job and have some sort of support network if I ever want to take a shower without my child ever again? Or do I start applying to library jobs out of the area, and move somewhere entirely new for the sake of my career? Or do I move to the East Coast, so that Gabriel can be closer to his dad? Well I'm pretty sure I don't do that, because Gabriel can be closer to his dad simply by his dad not moving to the East Coast. I don't feel like I should have to follow him. Anyway, this is probably the hardest spot I've ever been in my whole entire life, and I just hope that we all make it out okay. And if by some miracle we can manage not to ruin Gabriel, that would be really great too.