28 August 2007

A Sunny Tuesday Afternoon

Lisa and I have now given ourselves a curfew: 9:30 on weeknights. This way, when we both have to get up at the crack of dawn hopefully our brains won't still be soggy. And for that matter, I think I'm cutting us down to a maximum of two bottles of wine per night.
On the plus side, I got my laundry done, Lisa made a delicious dinner (Indian) and we got in some serious gossip about our family, which is always important. I think that our different names for our shared family members are pretty funny--my Grandma Anne is Lisa's Grandma Pigeon, Grandaddy San Francisco is Grandpa Elevator.

I still love my job and they still love me, so week 2 is going quite well. The only big drawback is that, since I work in Oroville, I don't really have time for any gym-type activities, and I'm getting a bit restless. Hopefully once K gets a little more settled with all of his stuff, like once he gets an apartment for instance, we can go back to our shared custody routine and I'll have a couple of nights a week for running or something. Or maybe I'll get my flat tire fixed--that would be nice.

Gabriel's been being unnaturally good for the past week or so--going to sleep on his own, eating his food, asking to use the potty. And he hasn't smashed any other kids in the face with blunt objects since he started his new daycare, which is definitely a huge bonus.

27 August 2007

People Who Have Earned My Eternal Gratitude

Darci-Did the impossible by getting Gabriel into his first daycare, then into his current daycare, then gave me the personal reference that got me my job, then took Gabriel to daycare Friday morning

Sheena-Took K to work on Thursday (as an enormous favor to me--long story), has watched Gabriel on numerous life saving occasions, is one of my many friends who lends me the use of their washer/dryer

Brianna-Lent me her carpet cleaner

Stella-Has been my partner in crime in all of my various and ill-advised adventures that were necessary in maintaining my sanity, also helped me out with getting subsidized childcare etc.

Holly-Spent last spring driving me to work and watching my child before I got a car or worked out Gabe's daycare

Julia-Provided continuous humor and emotional support over the past 4 months, including retail therapy, cd's, and taking me to a musical, despite her own breakup nightmare and heightened stress due to just about everything under the sun

My mom-Helped me get my car out of K's name, paid for my gum surgery, in general has just been a great and supportive mother, despite, or perhaps due to the fact that I am by far the least successful member of my family at the moment

Lisa-Spent her lunch hour giving Gabriel cold medicine, regularly makes me dinner and lets me do my laundry at her house

A Weekend Full of Dreams

To make up for being ridiculous, I went to bed at round about 8:00 pm on Friday, and slept till oh, 8:00 am?

Then Saturday I had to work for Darci without pay or complaint, because I currently owe her my soul for rescuing me from the wrath of K Friday morning. She had a very cute sidewalk sale. I went to Leo's party after that, and I got his present from Apple Blossom Baby, but I still need to pay for it, and I'm hoping Miss Darci will remind me, because I will very likely forget by the time I get back in there. Saturday I went to bed at....9ish? And slept until....8ish? If you can't tell, I had a really adventurous weekend.

Sunday I CLEANED MY CARPETS, thanks to Brianna, who is a golden goddess. She saved my sanity, and has thus joined the rapidly growing list of People Who Have Earned My Eternal Gratitude. My living room no longer looks like it's been puked on by college freshman, and to me, that's really, really important. I still have all sorts of other cleaning tasks that have fallen by the wayside what with this whole "working" thing that I do (like right this minute for instance--working hard). My goal is to have my house clean by the time I leave town on Thursday, so I can come back to tidyness instead of disaster.

Oh I'm leaving town on Thursday. I'm going visit my parents, ostensibly for my final dentist appointment, but also because it's labor day weekend, and my birthday's coming up, and I would like to dig my toes into the sand one last time before autumn sets in. So call me if you're in town/hanging around/whatever. Mira: I will once again not ditch out/flake on you, because I love you.

I switched around my links, because I know you were getting bored, but I stole a lot of them from dooce.

P.S. I have an Amazon Wish List, if you want to buy me pretty things. Yes, much of it is more like my personal wish list for Gabriel, but look closely, and you'll find things for me too. Or you can just buy me prezzies. Or you can MAKE ME A CD SO I DON'T JAM AN ICE PICK INTO MY EAR FROM LISTENING TO THE SAME SONGS OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER.

24 August 2007

And to top it off, this is the worst picture I have ever taken

Had I known that when I came into work today, I would have my portrait taken so it could forever hang on the FUCKING wall I may have done some things differently. I possibly would have run a comb through my hair. Or washed my face. Or tried to cover up the undereye circles. Or put on some makeup. Or showered. Or gotten more than an hour of sleep. Or had some coffee. Any of these things might have improved the situation. But no, I have this:

22 August 2007

The Mid-Week, Mid-Morning, Something Or Other


I just permanently indebted myself to my cousin by having her use her lunch break to go to the store, buy decongestant, go to Gabriel's daycare, and give it to him. I'm in Oroville you see, and Gabriel's center won't administer medication of any kind without a prescription, and he's snotting all over everything. Of course, I was already pretty indebted on account of the use of her washer and dryer, the frequent home cooked meals, and many, many glasses of wine.

Thursday, Oh Thursday: I have decided to go out in Sacramento with dearest Stella, who I swear is the worst influence ever! I always have fun, but honestly. Sacramento? On a week night? Nevermind that it might possibly have started out as my idea; it was just an unlikely suggestion because we were talking about how we'd been planning to go for a couple months, and, well, hadn't. She's the one who said she could get me to work on time Friday morning. She's the one who agreed. It has to be her fault. Whatever.

20 August 2007

As it turns out, sometimes my weekends really ARE fabulous

As evidenced by the last TWO. Santa Barbara was gloriously glorious. I never got around to talking about it because I was pretty crazy busy, but the gist is that Mike and Maile's wedding was beautiful, the food was great, the music fun, Julia stopped through on her drive to L.A., and I bought a pair of gold shoes.

Which lead up to this weekend, where I got to wear my gold shoes. Stella's birthday was Friday, so Saturday was our big "going out" night. We had a big group of people and both looked like rockstars. Although Darci was dressed a little too much just like me, which never ceases to freak me out. Also I met a cute boy, and I love meeting cute boys. Even when it means that I spend all day Sunday broken down from only getting three hours of sleep.

And today. Today was my first day of work. Which included my own business cards and a bouquet of flowers delivered to my desk as a welcome gift. And lunch. What's not to like about a job like that?

15 August 2007

The midweek update

My bank fucked me out of $100, which, yeah, sucks royally. Because money problems? I wasn't having any of those at all.

Plus I got to pee into a cup this morning. And I thought it was a little inapropriate that the PA not only hit on me, but answered his cell phone while he was doing my exam. And wrote on my form that I was 5'6" because he said he was 5'6". I was about two inches taller than him. I'm 5'4".

04 August 2007

Retail therapy, blogging therapy, anything but actual therapy

Since I'm losing my mind, it's occurred to me that I really can't ever have a nervous breakdown in Chico, because He Who Shall Not Be Named is the Director of Enloe Behavioral Health (so yeah, you can figure out where I work pretty easily, but what the fuck ever, I turned in my notice and I hate his money grubbing soul like burning). Anyhow, here we have the latest:

I got a new job, which is absolutely great. GREAT. I'm very, very excited. Not so excited about the 30-40 minute commute, but if I lived anywhere but here, that would be a given, so I shouldn't bitch. Yesterday my head almost exploded so I went to the mall with Stella for some retail therapy. Yes, I went shopping on credit when it's the last thing I need to do, but my brain was seriously hurting, I needed to do something for myself, I have no babysitter, and I had no one to have sex with at that precise moment. So believe me, it needed to happen. I got some things on ridonkulous super sale from Gottchalks (is that how it's spelled?) and I got the BEST BRA EVER from Victoria's Secret. It's called the full coverage lift bra, and it's seriously the best things my boobs have ever, ever seen. SO worth it when you find a good bra.
K still hasn't reappeared in the county, or at least not that I know of. I think he's really honestly planning on moving to New York. This sucks because I know he thinks this is what he has to do, and that it will ultimately be best for Gabriel, but I know this is the worst possible thing that he could ever, ever do for his son. Ever. And I've really been extending myself to help him as much as I feel like I can, which I think, considering that I'm his exgirlfriend and still often very angry with him, is a lot. Plus it brings up all sorts of life choice dilemmas for me. Since he decided to jump coasts at the precise moment that I got a good job, do I stay in Chico, with my good job and my apartment and my mom friends, or do I move back to the Santa Cruz area to live near my family and make my sister get me a job and have some sort of support network if I ever want to take a shower without my child ever again? Or do I start applying to library jobs out of the area, and move somewhere entirely new for the sake of my career? Or do I move to the East Coast, so that Gabriel can be closer to his dad? Well I'm pretty sure I don't do that, because Gabriel can be closer to his dad simply by his dad not moving to the East Coast. I don't feel like I should have to follow him. Anyway, this is probably the hardest spot I've ever been in my whole entire life, and I just hope that we all make it out okay. And if by some miracle we can manage not to ruin Gabriel, that would be really great too.

03 August 2007

In between all the freak out, we had a photo shoot

The latest and greatest

Well. K is talking about moving to New York, which would essentially cut him out of Gabriel's life, which sucks. A lot. Gabriel really needs his dad, and I think K really needs Gabriel. And I really need a coparent. The thought of being in Chico completely on my own without any sort of support network for Gabriel is frankly terrifying. I know that I spend most of my time bitching about K, because, well, he drives me absolutely bonkers and, whether it's his fault or not, has really dropped the ball a lot lately. Be that as it may, he REALLY is a good dad, and he and Gabriel have a very special relationship. It breaks my heart that they might lose that, because if he leaves, even if he comes back in a couple years, it'll be totally different. Gabe won't know him anymore. And I understand that financially it's pretty close to impossible for K.Dot to make it here, but I just wish there was a way.
It's crossed my mind that I should let him stay with me for a couple weeks so he can figure his shit out, because then maybe he would stay here for Gabriel, and I've been thinking about that over the past few days, but I really think I CAN'T do it. That's not a boundary that I'm willing to blend. I had a really hard time leaving, and I ultimately did it for my own emotional stability, and I can't jeopardize that by supporting him. Not only that, I literally cannot support him right now. I have no resources. I'm barely getting myself on my feet, and I don't have enough of a leg to stand on for two people. So yeah, I'm a selfish bitch, but at the end of the day, I need my sanity to care for my toddler, and that would push me over the edge.
Basically I'm just saying, I know I've devoted a lot of time to talking about how crazy K is, and how much he's been letting me down. And he is. And he has. But there's a reason we were together for three years. I truly believe he has the best of intentions in his heart, and that he wants to be a good guy. And he always intends to follow through and help me out. And he is a good dad.


I'm freaking out.

Friday, August 3rd, 2007

For the purpose of he who is my ex-boyfriend not coming up on this site if somebody googles him, I had to run through my blog and give him a sassy code name. I think he's hit pretty low right now, and he's probably going to move back to his parents' house in NY. Which. Sucks. One thing that Gabriel needs more than anything on the planet is, well, a dad. And this is it. Bye dad. Even if he's helping out financially, which I'm sure he plans on doing, because he always plans on it, that's not the same as being there for our sweetie pie. So I'm pretty down right now, although I turned in my notice at a little place that I like to call THE WORST JOB EVER, and as soon as I get that last paycheck, you better believe I will be paying the labor commissioner a friendly call to let him know about some very shady and highly illegal business practices.


No, not THE job that I wanted, but A job, which pays more and features working with cute boys.

Thanks to gorgeous K.Dot, who has been using his cell phone as his only line, my bill is $300, which, of course, I do not have. And since I moved out in May? K.Dot has not paid a single one of his cell phone bills. Not a dime. So I temporarily suspended his service. I will turn it back on if he pays the $400 he owes me in cell phone bills. If he doesn't, I guess I'll eat the $200 early termination fee. In the mean time I have no way of getting in touch with him, but whatever, because it's not like he's in Chico right now anyways. I don't think. Bah. He's driving me crazy.

01 August 2007

Let's play "Name that Stereotype"

My parents/littlest brother/wee cousin came through on their way to go camping on Monday. Twas nice, we went out to dinner. My dad threw a tantrum, but it was otherwise really great. I heard from one of my job interviews, they want to do a second interview, which is 17 different kinds of awesome.
My house is an eternal mess.
Gabriel has been waking up in the middle of the night, getting out of his crib, knocking on my door, and asking to go outside. So I turned his crib into a toddler bed. But basically, it means he sleeps with me now, because I am simply too drained for sleep training.
Gabriel is going to start at Little Discoveries Preschool in two weeks. Brandi is very nice, and I like how she takes care of my son, but she simply is not dependable enough for me.
My boss gave me a talking to about the incredibly shitty job I do at work, which would be justified, because I do a terrible job, except that he only had complaints about things that I DON'T fuck up on, so that doesn't make much sense.
Name that stereotype: K.Dot is currently carless, jobless, and soon-to-be homeless. I was sort of counting on him to help me pay my rent this month, because he promised to, because I don't make enough money to pay my bills and he owes me upwards of $1000. Well it's the 1st and I haven't paid my rent yet. I'm hoping that he's not going to leave me this high and dry, but it's really not looking very good. He's being evicted from our old apartment, and my name is still on the lease, so hopefully I don't have to deal with that. I think I might not because I'm OBVIOUSLY not living there. It sucks because I actually do like K.Dot, and I think he's a good dad, and I can get along with him okay when there is nothing whatsoever financial involved. The problem is that we share a son, so finances sort of always come up. Oh and he's just getting rid of all our furniture and stuff, even the stuff I want, because he's too lame to figure out how to move it. So he's essentially tossing out a couple thousand dollars worth of furniture. He makes my eyeballs hurt. I really hope he pulls it together. Really really. For him, because I do wish him the best, but mainly and also for Gabriel, who needs a father who can pay his rent every month and pick him up from school without borrowing my bike.