30 June 2007

The Precise Feeling of the World Crashing Down About My Ears

I think all of the events from the past few months are catching up with me. K.dot's freaking out because the proposed child support judgement came through. I'm freaking out because my job does not pay my bills. As Jayme said, "I've crunched the numbers and they do NOT add up." And I need to fix my car as a part of my refinance. Which, okay. Sucks. I'm going to worry about that on Monday. In the mean time I'm going to focus on getting enough money into my account so that my rent check clears.

But. Gabriel has been amazingly adorable and sweet ALL week, I think to remind me that there are things in my life that I enjoy. Like when I'm crumpled facedown on the livingroom floor, staring into space, crying silently, and Gabriel comes up to me and pats my cheek and kisses my nose, it's like, oh yeah, this is why I'm doing this, and then I can sort of snap out of it. Or when I'm up to my elbows in dishes and trying to figure out if I have enough quarters to do my laundry, and Gabriel tugs on my pants to show me that he has pockets, that's pretty nice too.

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